News Roundup for 12/10/08

Bush appears to have a halo
George W. Bush, Bible Expert Guy

-Headline of the day-
"Bush: Bible 'probably not' literally true."

Speaking to ABC News, George W. Bush gave a big middle finger to his party's fundamentalist evangelical base by telling the network that evolution may be contrary to biblical teaching, but that's OK.

"I think that God created the Earth, created the world; I think the creation of the world is so mysterious it requires something as large as an almighty and I don't think it's incompatible with the scientific proof that there is evolution," Bush said.

Asked if the Bible were literally true, George said, "Probably not. No, I'm not a literalist, but I think you can learn a lot from it."

Yeah George, stories about talking snakes and magic apples probably aren't all that literally true. They might just be what you call yer "metaphors."

So what's the "a lot" we can learn from the Good Book?

"The important lesson is 'God sent a son,'" he said.

Just to be clear, George -- the son we're talking about here is Jesus, not you. Right?


George? (Agence France-Presse)

-Holy freakin' crap-
Remember the Republic Windows & Doors sit-in in Chicago? You know, the one that was overshadowed by Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich's corruption scandal?

Turns out they got a big win today while no one was looking. RW&D shut down after the Bank of America pulled its credit, leaving workers in the lurch and pretty much stiffed on their benefits. Turns out that after a whole bunch of bad press -- along with Gov. Blagojojejavich's call for the state to suspend all business with the bank -- BoA has rethought their position and has extended credit to RW&D, allowing them to pay the workers what they're owed. According to the report, "The bank appeared to side at least in part with disgruntled workers, expressing concern in a statement Tuesday 'about Republic's failure to pay their employees the Employee Claims to which they are legally entitled.'"

A spokesperson for the union said it was too soon to end the sit-in and the union would have to wait and see what the company would do. But still, an action by organized labor spurs a bank to action? When's the last time you heard that?

It's like everyone was suddenly struck sane or something. Weird... (Associated Press)

-Don't take financial advice from these guys-
Karl Rove and Bill O'Reilly spun like tops in O'Reilly's "No Spin Zone," denying that the world is actually in an economic crisis. Seems the whole thing's a big media conspiracy to help Barack Obama. How does inheriting a big steaming clusterfuck of an economy from George W. Bush help Obama? Well, that's not exactly clear, but that's the way it is, because the two most trustworthy people in the freakin' world -- Karl Rove and Bill O'Reilly -- say so. OK?

There are no economic problems, it's just media hype. Your 401k hasn't lost a dime. Everything's hunky-dory, sunshine and rainbows and angels farting into trumpets. Blue jays flit from gumball tree to gumball tree with banners that read "JOY!" in their beaks. And a bright yellow cartoon sun smiles down across the land, spreading peace, contentment, and two scoops of raisins.

Man, I so want to try whatever drugs these two guys are on. (Alternet, with video)


  1. Wisco, I've said it before, I'll say it again- I'll say it until they cleave my tongue out- you are the best at news/information dissemination in the world.

  2. This was an excellent piece and I posted a comment on TIBU 1 for it.

  3. Wisco, next time, PLEASE, you need a disclaimer with these posts, something along the lines of, "WARNING: If you read any further, you could have a heart attack from laughing so hard."

    Very sharp commentary, and very funny in the process. Both are traits that few people ever master individually, let alone together.

  4. Boy, I'll bet Dobson and all those wingnuts are pretty steamed that Dubya turned out to be Decepticon. Great stuff, Wisco.