Better than a Russian bride: The perfect wife and mother

They say that romance is dead. If you would care - or dare - to look inside any bike shed behind your average primary school, chances are you would not find some nine-year-old boy smoking or a girl sucking a surreptitious lollypop but you would, quite probably, find that same boy getting a blow job from that girl.

Older kids, students and first job seekers no longer swoon to love songs or write dubious poetry; they have fuck buddies.

Furthermore, I’m sure that, these days, old folks in their retirement homes are less likely to be visited by their family than by whatever escort girl or boy they have on speed dial.

Still, as the old song goes, a man needs a maid - and most men do, at a certain age, desire to have a wife, in order to make babies, have their socks darned and shirts ironed, and to enjoy the odd home cooked meal.

Some will try their luck at the local bar. Others go for internet dating or answer a Russian or Asian bride ad.

All these options come with their own risks, pratfalls, hangovers and any number of interesting social diseases and/or computer viruses.

Anyway, I was thinking about all that stuff after I’d read the following article. I mean, I’m not saying that these gals would be very good at darning or ironing but if you are looking for a perfect mother to your children, you need not look further than one of these ladies.

What’s more, I can truly guarantee that you’d have a whale of a time as well:

“Older killer whales make better mothers, according to new research which shows their children have a much higher survival rate. The new study showed that offspring born to killer whales nearing the menopause had a survival rate more than 10 per cent higher than those born to younger females.”