News Roundup for 1/2/09

Bristol Palin holds brother Trigg
Happy to be a mother, which is a terrible, terrible thing

-Headline of the day-
"Bristol: Pregnancy wasn't 'ideal'."

Sarah Palin's formerly pregnant daughter Bristol has given birth to her child, who she named Tripp or Trapp or Tennis Racket or Cheese or something. On the occasion of the blessed event, Sarah Palin's gubernatorial website hosts a message informing teens that this is a wonderful thing, everyone's happy as clams, and teenage pregnancy is really, really bad.

Supposedly written by Bristol herself, the message says, "Teenagers need to prevent pregnancy to begin with. This isn’t ideal. But I’m fortunate to have a supportive family which is dealing with this together. Tripp is so perfectly precious; we love him with all our hearts. I can’t imagine life without him now." In other words; "This is bad, I'm so goddam happy, don't do this kids."

The mixed messaging extends to the gubernatorial grandmother. "When Bristol and Levi first told us the shocking news that she was pregnant, to be honest, we all at first looked at the situation with some fear and a bit of despair,” Sarah Palin said. “Isn’t it just like God to turn those circumstances into such an amazing, joyful blessing when you ask Him to help you through?"

Yeah, isn't that crazy? First, your teenage daughter tells you she's pregnant. Then, she has a baby! Who could've seen that coming? It's a freakin' miracle!

Thank you, Jesus! (Politico)

-The definition of stupid-
Turns out there's a lot of natural gas and oil under all that ice at the north pole. The problem has always been that no one could get at it. So why are Russia, Canada, the United States, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Iceland, and Finland are all squabbling over territorial rights to all that underwater real estate?

Because of global warming. The ice caps are melting and being replaced by open water. According to the report, "Although environmentalists are concerned by this melting trend, shipping and energy companies are salivating at the prospect of smaller ice caps, which makes Arctic drilling and commerce easier." Burning fossil fuels makes the ice melt, which makes it easier to get more fossil fuels, which, of course, will melt even more ice.


Whenever I see a news story about some dumbass getting busted for doing something stupid (say, some Governor named Blagojevich), I always want to ask them, "At what point did any of this crazy-assed stuff seem like a good idea?"

It looks like I'll be asking that question of Russia, Canada, the United States, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Iceland, and Finland pretty soon. (CNN)

-That's going to be a short book-
Disgraced former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is writing a book "to set the record straight about his controversial tenure as a senior official in the Bush administration."

This was the same guy who said "I can't recall" in senate testimony so often that people where worried he had Alzheimers. What could possibly be in his book? Apparently, he barely remembers being a senior official in the Bush administration. Which explains why he can't find a publisher.

At least he doesn't have the balls to call it a "memoir." (Huffington Post)

1 comment:

  1. Palin: "She named Tripp or Trapp or Tennis Racket or Cheese."

    Wisco, you are a sick and evil man, and you warm my heart with this stuff.