Scientists discover the oldest trick in the book


(No animals were harmed in the creating of this product…)

Now, we all know that it ain’t easy to be a woman. What with periods and hot flushes, giving birth and full Brazilians and men.

I sympathize. I really do but us men have our problems too. We have to shave daily; we go bald. We can’t bring home our daily quota of sabre tooth tigers and mastodons anymore to impress our women, so all we can brag about are the extra hours we make at the office and the size of our pay check.

Plus, we fall in love with our peroxide blonde, gum chewing secretaries – and even worse: with our i-Phones…

… and not to rub it in or anything but to add serious fuck-uppery to injury, even if we have a loving & patient wife (or willing typing pool type of girl) chances are we can’t get it up anymore anyway.

Still, these are the brave and as of yet early days of the 21st century. The Age of Aquarius has made way for the Day of the Scientist – and our beautiful boys and girls with the white coats have come to the rescue once more.

With a new cure for impotence, no less.

So far only tested on rats but since the ultimate beneficiaries are men, that seems a fitting enough control group:

“A new generation of anti-impotency drugs that are rubbed into the skin could prove more effective than Viagra, research indicates. Scientists in the United States have successfully tested the new technique on rats and believe it could also be used to help humans. Under the therapy, nanoparticles that release the anti-erectile chemical nitric oxide are rubbed on the problem area, and absorbed directly into the skin. Of the seven rats treated by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, five showed signs of arousal, according to results presented to the American Urological Association.”

Now, far from me to criticize our scientists but things being ‘rubbed on the problem area’…?

I think our clever white coats will find that this kind of thing has been done since the dawn of time – with fair to excellent results, as all the booming (if discrete) Thai massage outfits can testify to.

They even have come up with a word for it. Though I admit it doesn’t sound very scientific, it does hit the spot well enough.

It’s called a hand-job.

(Bad taste: I know, I know…)

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