News Roundup for 4/3/09

The Cryptkeeper dressed as Unlce Sam
Norm Coleman

-Headline of the day-
"Norm Coleman: 'I do expect to win.'"

The eternal struggle in Minnesota between the forces of good and crazy continues as all-but-officially defeated former senator Norm Coleman continues his doomed legal fight to hold onto a seat he's clearly lost.

This morning, Norm sat in on FOX's Fox and Friends -- a show that's such bullshit you wish there were a stronger word for bullshit -- and told the hosts that he was gonna win. "I do expect to win," Norm told the gullible and moronic hosts, who clapped and said "Yay!" and "Good for you!" and "I like syrup!"

Coleman's ongoing war with Al Franken and reality has steadily been going south, as he loses court battle after court battle. Legal experts disagree on his chances of eventual victory, with opinions ranging from "snowball's chance in hell" to "not a chance" to "royally screwed."

He may not be dead yet, but he's definitely starting to smell. (Raw Story)

-Telling it like it is-
Obama met with bailed out bank execs recently and the issue of salaries and bonuses came up. Amazingly, the suits defended them.

"These are complicated companies," said one CEO. "We’re competing for talent on an international market," said another -- apparently not realizing that recent events have proved that their "talent" sucks rocks.

According to the report, "President Barack Obama wasn’t in a mood to hear them out. He stopped the conversation and offered a blunt reminder of the public’s reaction to such explanations."

"Be careful how you make those statements, gentlemen. The public isn’t buying that," Obama told them. "My administration is the only thing between you and the pitchforks." And not just pitchforks, there are some of us who can't even afford them. So we show up with pooper-scoopers and garden weasels. Angry mobs are pretty diverse these days.

Unfortunately, the actual reaction isn't reported. But you'd imagine huffing and puffing, wheezing and coughing, monocles popping out of eyes and cries of "See here, young fellow!" as a bunch of people who look like the guy on the Monopoly box freaked out.

Where the hell have these guys been that they don't understand that everyone's pissed that taxpayers are funding their big paychecks? Seriously, is there a separate cable company for the stupid-rich? It's like they just showed up on Earth for the first time.

Go get your squeegees and your upright vacuum cleaners, people. It's time we taught these guys a lesson. (Politico)

-He's really not very good at this-
A small group of Republican senators met with Hispanic leaders last month, in order to "reach out" to Hispanic voters. Things didn't go well, since one of these senators was some guy named John McCain, who finished the phrase "reach out" with "and smack the fools." National Journal has the specifics:

"He was angry," one source said. "He was over the top. In some cases, he rolled his eyes a lot. There were portions of the meeting where he was just staring at the ceiling, and he wasn't even listening to us. We came out of the meeting really upset."

McCain’s message was obvious, the source continued: After bucking his party on immigration, he had no sympathy for Hispanics who are dissatisfied with President Obama's pace on the issue. "He threw out [the words] 'You people — you people made your choice. You made your choice during the election,'" the source said. "It was almost as if [he was saying] 'You're cut off!' We felt very uncomfortable when we walked away from the meeting because of that."

..."My hands were shaking," one source said. "I was nervous as no-end." The senator's comments went on for several minutes at least. And by the end of the meeting, another participant, who had supported McCain in last year's presidential election, was so shaken by the display of temper that he decided it is good that McCain isn't in the White House.

Remember how everyone used to think John McCain was a dangerous and spiteful hothead?

Yeah, that was crazy, wasn't it? (Think Progress)

1 comment:

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