Reading the Ann Summers sex shop catalogue will profit you more than studying the Bible ever will


(Redefining the divine…?)

I’m pretty sure all of us remember Samuel L. Jackson’s speech to a few unhappy drugs dealing yuppies in the movie Pulp Fiction, loosely based on Ezekiel 25, 7:

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

After which, if you pardon me using this tired expression, Jackson really does ‘go Biblical’ on the poor sods with a vengeance indeed.


(”What?! No naughty knickers…?”)

Anyway, I was reminded of that wonderful bit of movie history, when I read a story that reminded me of yet another Biblical tale: How Esau sold his birthright to his brother Jacob. This from the King James Bible, Genesis 25, 31-34:

“And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright. And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me? And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles; and he did eat and drink, and rose up, and went his way: thus Esau despised his birthright.”

Of course, I do not mean any disrespect to Esau, Jacob, King James or the many millions who swallow each and every word in the Bible, as if it were a bowl of holy alphabet soup but selling your birthright for a bit of broth & beans is a tad cheap…

… especially if you compare it to the following, admittedly less holy story:

“Ralph Gold, one of the co-founders of the Ann Summers sex shop chain, took a £56.5m dividend as part of a deal that saw him sell his entire stake in the business to his older brother. David Gold, 71, bought out Ralph, 70, in December 2007 in a complex deal that also involved a transfer of properties and an undisclosed private payment.”

Now, I’m not saying Ann Summers is a better role model than the Bible but if you’re thinking of selling your birthright, it has to be said that it would be far more profitable to take a leaf out of their catalogue than to emulate Esau.

All of which, admittedly, has nothing much to do with that Samuel L. Jackson speech but this is my blog, so I will include whatever I bloody well like – with or without a vengeance – and here is a clip of that speech, by the way.

You can watch it while you try to remember where you last put last year’s Ann Summers spring catalogue (or, if you insist, the family Bible.)


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