If the Clintons and the Bushes ever start to interbreed, we will miss Jon Stewart's "Clusterfuck to the White House"


(Today I settled all family business…)

America, as we all know, is the land of opportunities, where every man is king and all of that. It’s even the national, presidential motto: ‘E pluribus unum’ – which roughly translates as, ‘There’s always someone’.

Theoretically, this means that, wherever you’re born, be it in a mansion, a wood log cabin or a trailer park, you can always make it to the very top – to the White House even.

‘E pluribus unum’ is the philosophy of the lottery: Everyone’s got a chance – and it could be the motto of every bloody quiz or reality TV show.

Which is all you need to know about the wonderfully egalitarian dream world we call democracy. It’s the opposite of the old Zen paradigm of the one hand clapping. Full democracy is like one huge live TV studio, stretching from sea to shiny sea, filled with mostly morons, who will boo or clap, whenever a pretty face holds up the appropriate card.

Of course, and luckily enough, there is no place on earth that has full democracy. Totalitarian regimes, yes, we can do that and have done so, many times throughout history. Total democracy, like total communism or total capitalism, is a pipe dream – and probably not something we should even try for. Even the watered down forms of each and every ‘-ism’ have been proven to be bad for us. There’s a very simple formula that always works:

Humanity + big ideas = Much bloodshed & misery.

Anyway, even in the land of the free, democracy is a pretty pony show, where breeding, money and connections rule. In terms of dynasties, the US of A may not be right there with the old European monarchies but it’s trying. From 1980 till now, there’s always been a Bush or a Clinton in the White House, as vice-president or president – and even now one member of these two competing royal families is Secretary of State.


(… and in the darkness bind them.)

In fact, we are all waiting for the moment that the Clinton and Bush clans decide to start intermarrying. Then, we can just do away with those costly and terminally boring presidential elections altogether.

All of which idle musings, to be honest, were inspired by the following newspaper article about the Indian elections:

“We will end dynasties,” says Rahul Gandhi in appeal to young voters

“A multicolour mass of turbans tilted to the sky as the helicopter circled overhead, bringing the new face of India’s ruling Congress party — and heir to Asia’s foremost political dynasty — into the heart of Punjab. Minutes later, he was on stage in front of a crowd of 50,000: Rahul Gandhi, the son of Sonia, the current Congress leader, and Rajiv, the Prime Minister who was assassinated in 1991.”

Yes, and lest we forget, also the grandson of Indira Gandhi and great-grandson of Nehru – both former Prime Minsters of India. Indira, of course, was murdered by one of her own bodyguards, while Nehru got ambushed & fatally attacked by his own treacherous heart.

Strangely enough, the most famous Gandhi of all, Mahatma, was not related to Indira (or the other Gandhis.) Of course, since he was also assassinated, you could almost consider him an honorary member of the clan.

Oh, and there was also young Sanjay, son of Indira, a corrupt, incompetent and altogether useless excuse for a human being. Nevertheless, being a Gandhi, he was being groomed to become head of the Congress Party and India’s next Prime Minister.

However, as a not altogether sympathetic article has it:

“Just as it seemed that sky was the limit for this young prince, Sanjay Gandhi was killed on June 23, 1980 in a plane crash when his single-engine two-seater Pitts S-2A plane crashed while he was attempting to make a risky loop maneuver. His co-pilot was also killed.”

All in all, there are two general conclusions you can draw from all of the above. If your name is Gandhi you

a) have a more than average chance to become Prime Minister of India

b) don’t need to bother much with things like pension plans.

Of course, this might prove to become a bit of a problem in America, if the Clintons and Bushes would try and form a combined, India style dynasty. In the USA, they are already killing (or trying to kill) enough presidents as it is.

So, if America would embrace the Indian system, the ruling family better start breeding like royal rabbits, or they might run out of heirs to the throne pretty damn fast.

(Now, THIS is how you end a dynasty…!)

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