News Roundup for 3/5/09

Drunk passed out on floor
Republican who's found the bottom

-Headline of the day-
"Republicans Looking for Bottom."

Like drug addicts, it seems that failing political parties have to hit rock bottom before they realize they have a problem. Two new polls suggest that bottom may have been hit -- only a quarter of Americans support the Republican party. Further adding to the party's problems; "its most visible figure is a polarizing radio host. Its strategic powerhouse is a still-divisive former House speaker forced from power more than 10 years ago."

When your big guns are two guys named Rush and Newt, you've got a problem. Checking out Alcoholics Anonymous' 12 steps, I think the GOP is probably going to get stuck at #4; "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

Yeah, that's not going to happen. Republicans think they're perfect -- it's just that everyone else is crazy. They're not going to draw up a list of their shortcomings. As far as they're concerned, the first and last item on that list would be "unable to convince voters how awesome we are."

So remember, if you see a Republican begging for money on a street corner, don't give them anything. They'd just spend it on another round of bullshit PR campaigns. Then they'll pass out in the street, looking like something the cat dragged in -- and ate and shit out.

Don't be an enabler. (Political Wire)

-Michelle Bachmann thinks Obama's immortal-
Batshit crazy Republican Minnesota congresscritter and frequent right wing talk radio guest Michelle Bachman thinks Barack Obama is a vampire or a guy from Highlander or something. Speaking on Bill Bennett's radio show about our steady march toward cigar smokin', bear wearin', full blown Cuban communism, Michelle said that Republicans had to "thwart" as much of Obama's agenda as possible.

"If you look at FDR, LBJ, and Barack Obama, this is really the final leap to socialism... Democrats are about to institutionalize cartels -- that’s what they’re very good at -- they’re trying to consolidate power, so we need to do everything we can to thwart them at every turn to make sure that they aren’t able to, for all time, secure a power base that for all time can never be defeated," Michelle warned.

Wow. I guess dems, led by the eternal commie Obama, are on the verge of finding the Ark of the Covenant or something, after which they'll be able to remain in power until time stops.

And the only way to stop him is to make sure capital gains taxes aren't raised. It says so right in the Bible. (Think Progress)

-We raport, yoo dicide-
Media Matters determines that Sean Hannity's staff is "so capitalist, they can't even spell 'comrades.'"

Spellcheck has a liberal bias, I guess. (Media Matters)

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