News Roundup for 3/31/09

Drunk passed out on floor
Not handling the economy well

-Headline of the day-
"Website offers emotional rescue from economy."

A government website has been launched to help you figure out if you or a loved one are being driven goofy by the economy. The Dept. of Health and Human Service's Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration has put together "A Guide to Getting Through Tough Economic Times" which, despite the name, isn't so much a guide to getting through tough economic times as it is a guide to dealing with mental illness that might accompany tough economic times.

"By helping people remain resilient, we can help promote the overall recovery of our nation," SAMHSA Acting Administrator Eric Broderick said in a statement. Signs that you're not being resilient include:

-Persistent sadness/crying

-Excessive anxiety

-Lack of sleep/constant fatigue

-Excessive irritability/anger

-Increased drinking

-Illicit drug use, including misuse of medications

So, if you or a loved one are crying all the time, while playing the horses and shooting heroin, someone just might being having a little trouble. It's really good to know what to look for. Steps you can take if you find yourself going mental include:

-Trying to keep things in perspective -- recognize the good aspects of life and retain hope for the future.

-Strengthening connections with family and friends who can provide important emotional support.

-Engaging in activities such as physical exercise, sports or hobbies that can relieve stress and anxiety.

-Developing new employment skills that can provide a practical and highly effective means of coping and directly address financial difficulties.

Taking up alcoholism or kleptomania are generally considered counterproductive. Want proof that this is a new administration? The only mention of religion is a "Spiritual leader" in a list of people you might look to for help or support. If this were still the Bush administration, the only words on the entire site would be "LOVE JESUS!"

Pray if you must, but the only difference between prayer and sitting on your ass doing nothing is intent. You might as well go back to drinking and crying. (Reuters)

-Today's dumbass question brought to you by...-
...FOX News. Who else?

The FOX Forum asks -- apparently in all seriousness -- "Is Obama Too Bright To Be President?" I guess when you consider George W. Bush to have been a good president, you're a little suspicious of any president who isn't a complete moron. In the piece, John Tantillo (who's listed as "Marketing Expert/Founder and President, Marketing Department of America" -- whatever the hell that is) argues that Obama has a branding problem. And that branding problem is that Barack Obama's a big smartypants.

"I can hear the peanut gallery objecting: 'But President Obama isn’t oozing Carter-sque doom and gloom.' Fair enough. But he’s oozing something worse: he’s oozing too much intelligence," writes Mr. Marketing Expert. "Yes, too much intelligence. Intelligence is not a bad thing, but a president should never put too much of it on display."

Yeah, that'd be bad, because it would do crazy-assed stuff like inspire confidence and project competence. Who needs that?

I'm not wondering anymore why I've never heard of the Marketing Department of America -- the founder's kind of an idiot. (FOX News, via reddit)

-It sounds like either a bad porn scenario or an awesome porn scenario-
Depends on what you're into, I guess. Call it "Beauty Pageant Girls in Gitmo!" Miss Universe, Venezuela's Dayana Mendoza, and Miss America Crystal Stewart were given a tour of the Guantanamo Bay detention facility earlier this month. Mendoza, whose duties apparently include updating the Miss Universe blog, wrote about the experience, calling it "a loooot of fun!"

This week, Guantánamo!!! It was an incredible experience...All the guys from the Army were amazing with us. We visited the Detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how the recreate themselves with movies, classes of art, books. It was very interesting. We took a ride with the Marines around the land to see the division of Gitmo and Cuba while they were informed us with a little bit of history.

The water in Guantánamo Bay is soooo beautiful! It was unbelievable, we were able to enjoy it for at least an hour. We went to the glass beach, and realized the name of it comes from the little pieces of broken glass from hundred of years ago. It is pretty to see all the colors shining with the sun. That day we met a beautiful lady named Rebeca who does wonders with the glasses from the beach. She creates jewelry with it and of course I bought a necklace from her that will remind me of Guantánamo Bay :)

I didn't want to leave, it was such a relaxing place, so calm and beautiful.

Sounds great, if all the torture doesn't bother you. Next up, Chinese prisons and N. Korean re-education camps.

That sounds soooo nice! (Huffington Post)

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