(Follow those stamps…!)
Crime doesn’t pay, they say. Well, tell that to the ghost (or heirs) of Dame Agatha Christie or those who work for the ‘Elementary, my dear Watson’ franchise.
Of course, a large number of resentful people also claim that all criminals go to Hell.
Well, I’m afraid that crime can pay quite well. What’s more, it can be funny as Hell too:
“Fraudsters have used a picture of jailed pop singer Boy George to replace the Queen on forged bank notes. Staff at a stationary shop discovered a fake £20 note with a picture of the former Culture Club singer on its watermark instead of the monarch. Ryman’s in Gravesend, Kent, took the forgery on Saturday afternoon, but it was not until they tried to cash the note on Monday that they realised it was a forgery.”
Bloody brilliant – and it made me think as well.
They could do that with money as well, surely?
So, why stop at putting Boy George in bed with Prince Philip, so to speak, when you could, for instance, have Madonna and her Jesus frolicking on a Fiver?
Gordon Brown would look lovely on a £10 note – to commemorate both his ongoing occupation of 10 Downing Street and the number of political lives he will need to win the next election.
What’s more, whenever an English football team would finally manage to qualify for another big tournament, you could have pictures of the team members on special issue £11 notes, which would become the official ‘coin of the realm’ if the team managed to win it (or, more realistically, be pulped, straight after the quarter finals.)
So many glorious options, really. From the triumph that was the Millennium Dome, to the defunct body parts of Paul McCartney’s ex-wives. From famous villains, like Jack the Ripper and Ashley Cole, to the pictures of English saints, like princess Diana and Jade Goody.
Or, perhaps my personal favourite, a new half pound note which would carry the simple message ‘Fuck off!’, that you could give to all Jehovah’s Witness type missionaries and their more secular chugger counterparts, who badger you at home or in the street.
Anyway, my question to all of you who have read this post (or skipped) to this last alinea: What would be the face that would launch & float your thousand or so boats? In other words: Who would you put good money on to be put on (what’s left of) your money?
(Boy George: The original Counterfeit Chameleon…)