News Roundup for 3/2/09

Dog using a poop-scooper
Responsible German dog

-Headline of the day-
"German MP wants DNA testing on dog poo."

German legislator Peter Stein has had it with dog crap. Maybe he stepped in a pile on the way to work, but the conservative MP wants cops to get all CSI on people who don't clean up after their pooches. According to the report, Stein said that "under his proposal, officials would test the excrement and then match it up to the offending dog using a DNA database of all pooches."

The problem is that you've got to catch a canine in the act to hand out a 30-40 euro fine and, as a result, "very few are caught, with only four fines given out in Stein's hometown of Rostock -- human population 200,000 -- last year."

So the answer is to spend a gazillion euros on a doggie-doo database and get some poor cop to run DNA testing on every dogpile someone finds in their yard?

Somehow, I don't really see this legislation going anywhere. Just watch your step. (Agence France-Presse)

-Rush is dumb-
The de facto leader of the Republican party, Rush Limbaugh, isn't all that smart. I know, that's not really breaking news, but there ya go. During his big speech closing the Crazy People's Action Committee conference this weekend, Rush got his American history just a little bit wrong, while displaying his ignorance of the most fundamental basis of our law.

"We believe that the preamble to the Constitution contains an inarguable truth that we are all endowed by our creator with certain inalienable rights, among them life. [Applause] Liberty, Freedom. [Applause] And the pursuit of happiness. [Applause]" the transcript of his speech reads. "Those of you watching at home may wonder why this is being applauded. We conservatives think all three are under assault. [Applause] Thank you. Thank you."

You may believe that the preamble says that, but that belief would be wrong. That's the Declaration of Independence, which isn't actually a legal document -- it's basically an expression of a legal argument, like a brief. In fact, even there he's wrong. Where Rush says, "Life, liberty, freedom, and the pursuit of happiness," the declaration says, "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Rush has got it screwed up anyway you look at it-- you'd think he'd run this sort of thing by his fact-checker.

What am I saying -- a Limbaugh fact-checker? I really doubt that position exists.

Still, what I find funniest about all this is the applause. Limbaugh says something that any American schoolkid knows isn't at all true and the nuts at CPAC whoop it up like it's the most brilliant thing anyone's ever said in the annals of human history.

But facts are elitist, of course. So are people who know what the hell they're talking about. Real Americans -- like the patriot Rush -- just pull stuff out of their ass and declare it true.

Go ahead and applaud wildly now. (Huffington Post)

-Bonus HotD-
"‘Socialism!’ Boo, Hiss, Repeat."

"Liberal" doesn't seem to be a dirty word anymore, so Republicans have turned to a new epithet -- "socialist." The problem here is that the people they used to call liberals were actually liberals, but the people they now call socialists are actually liberals. Confusing? You bet. But I suppose confusion is the point.

So, is it working? Well, no. But that's never stopped Republicans from going ahead and doing something stupid before. They used to say that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. Now that's the definition of Republicanism.

I say that if Republicans are going to start calling liberals "socialists," then liberals should start calling Republicans "monkey screwers." It's just as true.

I mean, fair is fair. We've just gone through eight years of monkey screwing and look where it's got us. (New York Times)


  1. I'll listen to liberals' jabs at Rush's intelligence when they start jabbing Obama for thinking there are 57 states, seeing fallen heroes in the audience, and thinking we invented the automobile.

  2. The Socialist Obama was the editor of the Harvard Law Review. The Monkey Screwer Limbaugh was a college drop out.

    You do the math...