News Roundup for 6/5/09

Man works on old mainframe
Norm Coleman, shown updating his YouFace

-Headline of the day-
"Coleman says conservatives need to compete on the -- 'Ethernet'."

Speak of the devil, huh? Just yesterday I wrote that Norm Coleman's fight against Al Franken looks to be pretty much done and here comes Norm to demonstrate why. Speaking at the Conservative Heartland Leadership Conference in St. Louis, Norm told the crowd that Republicans need to get hip and savvy to the stuff the kids use these days -- like the "ethernet," which is the cat's pajamas.

"In the end, we need to compete, as I've said before, we need to compete in each and every kind of forum," he said. "And whether it's on the ground traditionally, or today it's in -- it's in the ethernet. It's in the -- you know, it's online..." Norm then went on to talk about all the Facetubes and Tweetlebooks and Webbie Logs just waiting out there on the interwebs for Republican input ("input" being hippity-hoppity slang for leaving "SHUT UP, COMMIE!" in comment threads at Webbie Logs and News Aggravator sites with your netputer).

Not since Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens explained that the intertubes wasn't a big truck has a Republican shown such a keen understanding of the technological challenges facing today's GOP.

Raw Story writer John Byrne makes a good point in comparing Coleman and Stevens; "Maybe there's a common theme here: If you don't understand what the Internet is, you're not going to remain in office."

So all you Republicans out there, learn how to update your MyFace and check your Twitterlinks. Otherwise, you're outta here. (Raw Story)

-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, it's Hollywood celebrity Arnold Schwarzenegger -- star of the hit movie Jingle All The Way -- and now the Gubernator of Caly Forny Yah!

Bear Flag Banana Republic
Click for animation

You may have heard some bad things about Caly Forny Yah, but that's just because it's broke and a failed state. There's an upside to all this. And we'll get right back to you as soon as we figure out what the heck it is! (MarkFiore.com)

-92% of Americans hate America-
At least, that's if you believe a poll paid for by an infamous terr'ist website. The new poll by Research 2000 for Daily Kos shows that only 8% believe that Obama Supreme Court nominee, noted Hispanic supremacist, and president of the Fidel Castro fanclub Sonia Sotomayor is racist. Worse, only a minority think a psychopath -- that is, someone without empathy -- would make a good Supreme Court judge. Asked, "Do you think empathy is an important characteristic for a Supreme Court Justice to possess or not?" a mere 29% said it was not.

As you know, anyone who doesn't think Sotomayor's a racist and wouldn't prefer a psychopath on the court is a commie-sympathizer who hates America and worships socialism.

It looks like the terr'ists have won. (Plumline)

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