News Roundup for 6/3/09

Dick Cheney
The new face of the Homosexual Menace

-Headline of the day-
"Cheney Now Too Radical for the Radical Right."

As a noted gay-rights activist and leader of the Homosexual Menace, former vice president Dick Cheney can rule himself out as a contender for 2012 Republican presidential nomination, say leaders of the religious right. Never mind that no one had ever ruled him in -- Cheney included. His views about same sex marriage make him an anti-American terr'ist Jesus-hater and good Christians could never vote for him.

See, it turns out that even caring about a homosexual makes you insane. Liberty Counsel's Matt Barber says that Cheney's love for his openly gay daughter has "clouded his judgment." So, if you've got a gay kid, kick them out on the street before they infect your mind with whatever Satanic homo-loving radiation they obviously emit. By endorsing marriage equality, the daughter-love-crazed Big Dick's saying he wants people to have sex with their hamsters. It just follows logically.

"If freedom to marry means, as he said, that people ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish, well then, he's virtually endorsing polyamory and polygamy, and incestuous marriage, and bestiality," Barber says. "[There are] no holds barred here."

"No holds barred" probably wasn't the best choice of words, but you get what he meant. (Right Wing Watch)

-Gingrich clarifies-
Newt Gingrich recently called Obama Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor a "Latina woman racist" and demanded she withdraw her nomination. Reasonable and responsible observers reacted by noting that Gingrich is a dumbass. Or a numbskull. That debate still rages.

Newt, finding himself in danger of not being a professional talking head anymore, decided that he'd probably overreacted and offered an apology.

Or, at least, what he calls an apology.

"The word ‘racist’ should not have been applied to Judge Sotomayor as a person, even if her words themselves are unacceptable," he wrote in the wingnut Human Events. So he's saying she's still a racist who says racist things, but it's wrong to call her a racist. I can see how, using these guidelines, he might've gotten a little confused.

See, Sonia's thinking that a "wise Latina woman" might have more life experience than a white guy like Gingrich is "a betrayal of a fundamental principle of the American system -- that everyone is equal before the law." Remember, this is an apology.

So Newt says he's sorry that Sotomayor is a "radical liberal activist who will cast aside the rule of law in favor of the narrow, divisive politics of race and gender identity."

So she's a liberal radical who says racist things and betrays America. I'm not sure you've "apologized" enough here Newt. Maybe you ought to punch her in the face, just to make sure. (Think Progress)

-Bonus HotD-
"Q: Did the Obama administration burn soldiers' Bibles?"

According to Annenberg FactCheck, it turns out the answer to this one's a little surprising; the secret Muslim terr'ist Barack HUSSEIN Obama did not. George W. Bush did. Or didn't. It's not actually clear what happened to them.

See, the Bibles were written in Pashto and Dari and were to be distributed to Afghans by soldiers. This was a very bad idea. The bullshit report, widely distributed via email and nutjob blogs, was written by former Navy Chaplain Gordon James Klingenschmitt -- a leading Christian supremacist. Klingenschmitt claims the Bibles "could have legally been given as gifts during off-duty time to Afghani citizens who welcome our troops in their homes, as an expression of American gratitude for Afghani hospitality."

"Hey, thanks for dinner," a fine Christian soldier might say. "To show my gratitude, here's a book that says everything you believe is a bunch of crap and you're gonna burn in Hell. We'll have to do this again some time..."

Of course, it wouldn't have been legal, despite what some random email forwarded by your right wing cousin Evangeline might say. According to the report, "military officials say such distribution would have violated longstanding Pentagon policy against religious proselytizing by U.S. armed forces." The reasoning here is pretty simple; if you're fighting a war, it means you've got enough enemies already. You can put this rule another way; "Don't be an asshole!"

So what's the moral of this story? Only a complete moron gets their news from chain emails.

Take it to heart. (Annenberg FactCheck)

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