News Roundup for 6/4/09

Jeff Sessions
Loves the unborn, hates the born

-Headline of the day-
"Jeff Sessions Makes Children Cry."

You'd imagine he does. Pricks have that effect on kids. In this case, however, the headline's a little misleading; it wasn't Sessions who made a kid cry, but a psychopath who killed the kid's grandmother and aunt in the Philipines. Sessions was just an asshole about it.

See, the Senate was taking testimony from couples who would be effected by the Uniting American Families Act which, according to the report, would "equalize the status of foreign-born same-sex partners of American citizens." Not surprisingly, Republicans are against this, since it means acknowledging that gays are actually people who have families.

Shirley Tan, a Filipino woman who has been with her American partner for 23 years, testified about an attack by a man who'd killed her mother and sister. She didn't want to go back to the Philipines because the guy's out of prison and she fears for her and her kids' lives. If she were a fiancee of the American, staying in the US wouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, one of her boys began crying when Tan began her testimony. "At the sight of this, Judiciary Chairman Pat Leahy stopped the hearing and asked Tan if her son might want to sit in another room, where presumably a Senate staffer would console him for the duration of what was clearly an emotionally fraught experience," the report tells us.

However, Jeff Sessions' reaction was to be a complete ass about it.

"At the sight of the weeping boy, according to a Senate staffer who was at the hearing, Sessions leaned towards one of his aides and sighed, 'Enough with the histrionics,'" we're told. "Sessions's press secretary did not return a call seeking comment."

The honor and dignity of the chamber was restored, however, when Tan and Leahy held Sessions down and beat him stupid him with a chair... No, they didn't. But someone ought to.

And Sessions was the best-behaved Republican at the hearing -- mostly because he was the only Republican to bother to show up. Why pretend that gays are human when everyone knows they're Satanic minions sent to screw up Dick Cheney's mind? For them, the whole thing's just a big waste of time.

It just goes to show you; Republicans are big fans of children -- until they're actually born. Then screw 'em. Get a gun, you little whiner, and stop bothering Super-Important Sen. Sessions with your sniveling worries that some nut's out to kill you.

That's the Republican way. (New Republic)

-More proof that knowing gays makes you crazy-
I've already mentioned that Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter has probably driven him insane and now a new Gallup poll backs that view up. "While 57% of Americans oppose legalizing gay marriage, Americans who personally know someone who is gay or lesbian are almost evenly divided on the matter, with 49% in favor and 47% opposed," Gallup reports. "Among those who do not personally know anyone who is gay, 72% oppose legalized gay marriage while just 27% favor it."

See? Knowing gay people makes you crazy! They got gay-rays or something. The devil probably gave it to the Homosexual Menace to help them destroy America.

Gary Cass of the Christian Anti-Defamation Commission is one who sees the plain truth here. "The polling discovered that one of the most important factors that control a person’s opinion about homosexual marriage was that of association, it even trumps a person’s political ideology... In fact, former Vice President, Dick Cheney, is a perfect example," he said. "Cheney is reliably conservative on virtually every issue except homosexual marriage. This is likely as a result of the fact that he is the father of an open, practicing lesbian." See? He knows a gay and now he's gone all homo and stuff. It's freakin' science, man!

"You are who you associate with..." Cass says. "We must find our significant associations with our Lord and His wise people. Associate daily with Christ by spending time in His Word and in prayer. Listen to His voice and cultivate a conscience that is informed by God’s Word." So don't go hanging around with any gay people -- or even insufficiently right wing Christian people for that matter. No gays, no liberals, none of them there fem'nists or evolutionists or nuthin'.

Save your good Republican soul and just go away. It's your only hope. (Right Wing Watch)

Remember that Minnesota Senate race between Norm Coleman and Al Franken? You know, the one that seemed to go on and on and on forever? Yeah, that's still going on. But it looks like Norman's running out of steam -- as well as legal challenges.

According to the report, "Sources close to Coleman say the former Senator would likely give up his legal battle and accept defeat if the Minnesota Supreme Court decides in Franken’s favor... 'He will be done' if he loses at the state Supreme Court, one Republican predicted." And that seems all but certain.

Get ready for the Al Franken Decade. (Roll Call)

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