The Starbucks swashbuckler: How many beans can a man grind down, before you call him a nut?


(The end of civilization as we know it…?)

It’s not exactly up there with the quest for the Holy Grail.

In fact, if you’d decide to make a movie about it, you wouldn’t turn to the people who did the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Hell, even the Indiana Jones crowd would, most probably, pray to have this cup pass them by:

“A software engineer from California is on a mission to visit every single Starbucks coffee shop on the planet. Winter, 37, has spent 12 years drinking coffee in 9,100 chain stores. He estimates he has 3,000 left. This week he arrived in London to tackle 400 shops in England, Scotland and Wales, reports the Times. Winter, who changed his name from Rafael Antonio Lozano Jr, will then move on to Spain, Portugal and Germany for more “Starbucking”.”

Still, it might do well as a Simpsons sketch, or a minor running gag on South Park.

I can’t say it comes as a big surprise that this loon comes from California. No idea though why he changed a hot sounding name like Rafael Antonio Lozano Jr into a tepid, mass produced moniker like Winter.

Not that I think his family will mind, of course.

As to the why of this epic quest, here’s what mister Winter had to say himself:

“In this world it is difficult to do something unique.”


Still, I’m not sure drinking coffee at Starbucks really qualifies as such, however much of the stuff you drink.

Ah well, enough about the Coffee Nut Formerly Known As Rafael Antonio Lozano Jr…

… apart from this small observation:

How come that when you hear about these kinds of projects, it’s always about idiots going for a new world record bungee jumping, or pizza baking, or hotdogs eating, or dwarf throwing, or towing trucks with their dick?

For every sad loser who wants to drink at all the Starbucks of the world, get a picture taken with every Ronald McDonald in the known universe…

… for each and every useless wanker who wants to get the autograph of every Playmate of the Month since Noah spent some quality time ‘reading the interviews’ inside the Ark’s single toilet or fuck every person who ever wore a Minnie Mouse costume in a professional capacity at Disney World…

… can you name even one person who tried to visit as many great libraries as he or she could manage, watch every Picasso or Rembrandt original in the world’s museums, take the time to listen to the complete works of J.S. Bach, go see all of Shakespeare’s plays or read the Holy Texts of the world’s Top Four religions…?


Enough about this whole sorry subject.

Let’s just hope the CNFKARAL(Jr) packed enough antacid tablets, before he started on his odd (and overpriced) odyssey. God knows he will need the bloody things.

That, and a life but I think it might be a bit too late for the latter.

(Talking about epic quests…)

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