News Roundup for 5/7/09

Noted Jesus-hatin' commie

-Headline of the day-
"Every President But Bush Is a Godless Heathen."

OK, here's how it works. Pay attention and don't get confused, because the religious right really brings the crazy here. See, today is a National Day of Prayer. I'm not really sure why, but it has been for a real long time. It's like Arbor Day or something -- who knows how it got started?

Anyway, George W. Bush always made a big deal out of it, because he was really big on kissing right wing evangelical nuts' asses. He'd have a big "formal White House event," sign a proclamation, and we'd all get on with our lives -- most of the time, not even knowing any of this had ever happened.

Now Barack Obama's not going to do that. Mostly because he's a secret Muslim terr'ist who hates Jesus and wants to destroy America with socialism. So all the religious right groups are freaking out -- because, let's face it, that's their favorite activity. America, they say, is doomed -- DOOMED! -- because President Obama isn't going to sign a proclamation and appease the angry sky god with a sacrifice of ink. Woe be unto the nation!

Of course, this mumbo jumbo didn't happen much before Bush showed up. The National Day of Prayer was a backwater holiday not even Hallmark bothered with. Hell, even Reagan blew it off most of the time, making a big deal out of it only once.

So let the record show that Ronald Reagan was a secret Muslim terr'ist who hated Jesus and wanted to destroy America with socialism. It's really the only logical conclusion we can come to. (Right Wing Watch)


-He doesn't get this whole "foreign country" concept-
Remember how the UK decided that right wing radio nut Michael Savage was too crazy to be allowed in their country? Mike's gotten around responding to his ban.

"[British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith] said this is the kind of behavior we won't tolerate?" he asked. "She's linking me with mass murderers who are in prison for killing Jewish children on buses? For my speech? The country where the Magna Carta was created?" Apparently, Savage only communicates in rhetorical questions off-air.

This is the first time I've ever heard of Savage being a huge supporter of the Magna Carta. I'm guessing he googled it up or something. Before now, he hasn't been the biggest fan of habeas corpus and once said, "I’d hang every lawyer who went down to Guantanamo to defend those murderers!" The principles of the Magna Carta are only good when they apply to people named "Michael Alan Weiner" who use the alias "Michael Savage."

But, then again, no wingnut has never let a little thing like philosophical inconsistency stop them from making a huge ass of themselves and Mike's no exception. He's gonna sue the pants off Great Britain. According to the report, "Savage has threatened to deploy 'top First Amendment attorneys' to represent him 'in a major international case.'"

Yeah, you just let that sink in for a second. He's going to sue Britain for their egregious violation of the First Amendment...

That ought to go well. (The Register)


-How will they ever recover?-
TIME magazine is reporting that Samuel "Joe the Plumber" Wurzelheimer has had it with the GOP. According to the magazine, "Samuel Wurzelhooper, better known as Joe the Plumber, tells TIME he's so outraged by GOP overspending, he's quitting the party -- and he's the bull's-eye of its target audience."

Yikes! Now who will they get to make Sarah Palin look smart by comparison?

Wurzelbarger went on to prove he was bad at math, telling TIME "he wouldn't support any cuts in defense, Social Security, Medicare or Medicaid -- which, along with debt payments, would put more than two-thirds of the budget off limits." So stop overspending without cutting most of the spending or Joe the Samuel Plumberwurzel is outta here!

Teabags forever!

I guess he really is the average Republican voter. (Talking Points Memo)