News Roundup for 5/13/09

Burger King mascot
Michael Steele, head of the Republican Dickwad Party

-Headline of the day-
"RNC set to approve resolution rebranding the Democratic Party as 'Democrat Socialist Party.'"

No, seriously. According to Roger Simon, Republican National Committee will "approve a resolution rebranding Democrats as the 'Democrat Socialist Party'" at a special meeting of the RNC next week. That this is stupid as all hell isn't lost on many observers -- including RNC chairman Michael Steele.

According to the report, "Steele wrote a memo last month in opposition to the resolution that he believed the label would 'accomplish little than to give the media and our opponents the opportunity to mischaracterize Republicans.'"

"Mischaracterize" them as what is unclear -- unless you think showing themselves as a bunch of grade-school-level intellects who believe name-calling is good substitute for policy is a "mischaracterization."

Not that Republicans give a damn what their titular leader thinks. Asked about it, one RNC member said, "Who cares?"

As strategies go, this isn't one. It's like Burger King finding that McDonalds outsells them, then voting at a board meeting to change their rival's name to "Stinky McDookie's Shitburger Emporium." Seriously, no one other than Republicans are going to use it. And those GOPers who do will look like freakin' morons.

The GOP's in the dumpster, the economy's crumbling, the country's still fighting two wars, the last president from their party is in hot water over torture, of all things, and this is what Republicans choose to do with their time.

Golly, you really have to wonder why they're not doing better, huh? (Think Progress)

-There really is a Republican Jesus-
And, apparently, he's Alberto Gonzales or John Yoo. At least, that's the impression you get from an Associated Press story on torture and evangelicals. According to AP, "A number of evangelical leaders have made opposition to torture without exceptions a moral cause over the past three years, part of a broadening of the movement’s agenda beyond traditional culture war issues. Others in the movement, including many Christian right leaders, have largely resisted or stayed silent."

And still others say torture everyone in sight. Take for instance, right wing nut Gary Bauer, who says that -- while he probably wouldn't torture anyone himself -- Jesus would be cool with other people torturing.

"There are a lot of things Jesus wouldn't do because he's the son of God," he said. "I can't imagine Jesus being a Marine or a policeman or a bank president, for that matter. The more appropriate question is, 'What is a follower of Jesus permitted to do?'" Plenty, it turns out. In fact, Bauer seems to suggest you're going to hell if you oppose torture.

"I think if we believe the person we have can give us information to stop thousands of Americans from being killed, it would be morally suspect to not use harsh tactics to get that information," he said.

Now I know that this whole religion of his is based on human sacrifice. There's just the one, sure, but if Jesus died for our sins, then he was a human sacrifice -- that's just using the English language correctly. That this human sacrifice was tortured to death really seems to be lost on Gary Bauer. You'd think that would occur to him at some point.

But, then again, he's a religious right whackjob. Things don't occur to those guys, since they don't spend a lot of time thinking. (AP, via Raw Story)

-Bonus HotD-
"Glenn Beck: 'Gay Marriage Will Make the Universe Collapse.'"

And not metaphorically, literally. Try to follow this "reasoning" from Beck; "I contend [marriage] is the building block of the entire universe. If the male and the female don’t get together, then the whole universe collapses."

And you thought the black hole machine was dangerous.

I'm guessing this means that if we keep allowing same sex marriage, the Hive Mind of Aries 7 will come and make us stop by bringing us into the Galactic Psionic Amalgam, where we'll lose all sense of identity and become mindless drones serving the Central Cortex. Do you want that? Huh? Huh?

Yeah, I didn't think so. (Alternet, via reddit)

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