News Roundup for 5/4/09

Perino conducts press briefing
Dana Perino, not a whole lot more than just another pretty face

-Headline of the day-
"GOP turns to Bush aides for advice."

No, really.

According to the report, "Republicans looking to recover from Bush-era defeats are turning to an unlikely source for advice: top aides to former President George W. Bush." Listed among the "top aides" are "former White House press secretary Dana Perino, former Bush counselor Ed Gillespie and former White House deputy press secretary Tony Fratto."

Not surprisingly, Democrats think this is almost the best thing they could do, although one dem congresscritter had an even better suggestion. "Reuniting the Bush operation is like making a sequel to a very bad movie," said a spokesperson for Rep. Chris Van Hollen. "House Republicans are better off staying home, watching soaps and coming up with new ideas for their out-of-touch party."

Still, Republicans think this is just the best goddam idea anyone, anywhere has ever had in the entire history of having ideas. "Policies of the Bush administration aside, it’s indisputable that [the workshop participants] are outstanding at their jobs, and their wisdom will serve Republican press secretaries well," says GOP House Conference Communications Director Matt Lloyd.

Oh sure, blame the Bush administration for the Bush administration's awful approval numbers. Remember, you were either with the Bush administration or you were with the terr'ists. You'd imagine that would still be true.

Why does Matt Lloyd hate America?

Other ideas to increase House Republicans' poll numbers include giving away plush Dick Cheney dolls and having Republicans go house to house in their districts, punching people in the face.

Seriously, it'd work about as well. (Politico)

-Minnesotans must be proud-
America's favorite right wing lunatic, Minnesota's Rep. Michele Bachmann, made people wonder what videos she rents by saying that Barack Obama led an "orgy" of spending and government had "spent its wad" too early.

"During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed," Bachmann told a conservative crowd. "The government spent its wad by April 26. Every dime government spends after April 26 throughout the rest of this fiscal year is borrowed money."

Remind me not to go to any smorgasbord Michele Bachmann goes to. It doesn't sound hygenic and, let's face it, the sneeze-guard on a salad bar just wasn't designed for that kind of thing. (Huffington Post, with video)

-Texas Deranger-
Super-famous Hollywood movie idol and star of the not at all ridiculous TV show Walker, Texas Ranger Chuck Norris is also an expert on education and history. In an article published at Townhall.com -- which also regularly publishes the works of fellow genius Ann Coulter -- Chuck uncovers a plot to destroy America by putting kids in government education centers they call "schools."

"Government’s controlling and monopolizing education is just another avenue for usurping power and control on the slippery slope to socialism..." he warns. "Is it merely coincidental that the private choice of home schooling was outlawed by the Soviet state in 1919, by Hitler and Nazi Germany in 1938, and by Communist China in 1949? Is America next?"

You got us, Chuckles. That's exactly what this whole "public education" scam is all about. Can't slip anything past Chuck Norris. (Donklephant)

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