News Roundup for 4/7/10

Spring flowers smell sweet
With the promise of rebirth,
But Glenn Beck smells bad



-Headline of the day-
"Activists Crusade Against Glenn Beck With... Haiku?"

Yes, Glenn Beck's ranting
On social justice really
Pissed some people off.

So they're taking to Twitter to fight back with poetry. According to the report, "The group Jews Funds for Justice, incensed at Beck's 'social justice' comments a few weeks ago, has created what they're calling a 'Beck Twitterstorm.' Every minute from 9 am this morning till 9 am tomorrow, the group will be Tweeting anti-Beck Haikus at the man himself. The poems were written by like-minded people and collected over the past week on haikuglennbeck.com, a website set up by the group."

For the record, the group's header on the website breaks up the URL as "Haik U Glenn Beck" -- so you know you're in for fun. A few samples:

glenn beck is awesome
he makes hitler and stalin
seem totally sane

Beckstein reminds me
of the kid in my Jew school
who ate the glue stick

Stump the right-wing chumps.
You CAN fool all the people
who watch my Fox show

deep down I, Glenn, am
a frustrated professor.
Too bad I can't spell

And Jesus said to
All his hungry disciples
"Hands off my fish, chumps"

You too can join the twitterstorm all night, pumping out poetry in a 5/7/5 meter. Just send it out using the Haik U Glenn Beck website or twitterpate it using the #becku hashtag.

See you on Twitter,
Where thousands of voices cry
Out as one: "You suck!"

Hai, so desu! (Mediaite)


-Death in a box-
KFC -- formerly Kentucky Fried Chicken -- has teamed up with al Qaeda in a clever attempt to kill Americans. The chain is introducing a "sandwich" they call the "Double Down." According to the report, it "uses two boneless chicken fillets as the bun -- then squeezes two pieces of bacon, two slices of cheese and some sauce in between." That's fried chicken, because otherwise the chicken breasts are way too healthy for you. By frying them, KFC is able to cram in 60% of your daily recommended intake of salt and 50% of your saturated fat. You might as well tape a grenade over your heart.

If the Double Down sells well, KFC plans to introduce the Breakfast Jammer-Slammer, where an employee jams chicken fat, cheese, bacon, and eggs down your throat, then beats you senseless with a frying pan. (NPR)


-Bonus HotD-
"McDonnell: Slavery Wasn t Significant Enough To Be Included In My Proclamation Honoring The Confederacy."

The newly-minted Republican governor of Virginia, Bob McDonnell, issued a proclamation naming April "Confederate History Month." A better name might be "Confederate Revisionist History Month," since the proclamation doesn't mention slavery at all.

"Obviously, [the Civil War] involved slavery," McDonnell explained. "It involved other issues. But I focused on the ones I thought were most significant for Virginia."

Yeah, the worst human rights abuse in American history; no big deal. Now quit your whining and wave them rebel flags!

Yeehaw! (Think Progress)