Good old-fashioned family values
-Headline of the day-
"GOP Lawmaker's Graphic Sex-Bragging Caught On Tape."
Usually, being in bed with a lobbyists is just an overused metaphor. But for Michael Duvall, a Republican Orange County, California state legislator, it's a description of his free time. And it's a description he was willing to share. According to the report, "While waiting for the start of a legislative hearing in July, the 54-year-old married father of two and family values champion began describing, for the benefit of a colleague seated next to him, his ongoing affairs with two different women. In very graphic detail." He did this in front of a hot mic, which got everything on tape.
She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday--a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!
So, I am getting into spanking her. Yeah, I like it. I like spanking her. She goes, 'I know you like spanking me.' I said, 'Yeah! Because you're such a bad girl!'
And so her birthday was Monday. I was 54 on June 14, so for a month, she was 19 years younger than me. I said, 'Now, you're getting old. I am going to have to trade you in.' And she goes, '[I'm] 36.' She is 18 years younger than me. And so I keep teasing her, and she goes, 'I know you French men. You divide your age by two and add seven, and if you're older than that, you dump us.
One of the women is Heidi DeJong Barsuglia, a lobbyist for Sempra Energy. By an amazing coincidence, Duvall is vice chair of the Committee on Utilities & Commerce. Weird the way things like that work out, isn't it? At least he spanks her for the conflict of interest.
"Their relationship is the worst-kept secret in Sacramento," says an unnamed staffer. "He's old and fat. She's hot, blonde and about 20 years younger. He could have never gotten a woman like that before he got this job."
Duvall gets points for breaking with the GOP stereotype and actually having a sex scandal involving women -- including at least one who's not technically a prostitute (she is, after all, a lobbyist). But it's a wash, since he sticks with the stereotype of being a "family values" hypocrite. The report tells us, "Duvall has 'blasted' efforts to promote gay marriage, and got a 100 percent score from the Capitol Resource Institute, which describes its mission as to 'educate, advocate, protect, and defend family-friendly policies in the California state legislature.'"
Since the report, Duvall has fallen off the face of the earth. His voice-mail box is full and he's been ducking reporters. Calls to the spankee were likewise not returned. That's the way you do it. As recent history has shown us, these things tend to just blow over if you sit them out long enough. (Talking Points Memo, with video)
-Indoctrinate your children well-
Yesterday, a Texas school district refused to show kids President Obama's address where he instructed them to do commie, terr'ist, America-hatin' things like washing their hands and getting out of bed when their mom tells them to. Because there was no reason to believe that Obama's speech would be anything but positive -- other than the fevered rantings of the right wing's craziest voices -- they needed an excuse. So they said Obama's address would interrupt scheduled lesson plans and this would be the worst thing ever.
Still, in a couple of weeks, students will be bused to Cowboys Stadium to listen to George W. Bush -- who's not a commie terr'ist and, therefore, the trip requires no justification. Calling this a "blatant double standard," Dwight McKissic, pastor at the Cornerstone Baptist Church, has a couple of questions.
"Why is it appropriate for students to hear from former President Bush on Sept. 21 at the Cowboy[s] Stadium, but inappropriate for the current president to address students while they remain on school campuses?"
Because, that's why. Now shut up and eat your tea bags. (Think Progress)
"Spanky Cumsack Resigns From California State Assembly."
Well that didn't take long. I write the first item, then the second item, I check Wonkette, and find out Duvall's gone. In a statement posted at his website, Duvall says he's outtie. "I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the Assembly, who are working hard on the very serious problems facing our state," he writes. "I have come to the conclusion that it would not be fair to my family, my constituents or to my friends on both sides of the aisle to remain in office. Therefore, I have decided to resign my office, effective immediately, so that the Assembly can get back to work."
If you think Heidi's going to let you spank her now, you're dreaming Mike. Remember how I said it was a coincidence that she's an energy lobbyist and you were on the Utility Committee?
Yeah, I was joking. It's not a coincidence. You're going to have to go back to using that paddle for ping pong. (Wonkette)