News Roundup for 9/4/09

Michele Bachmann
Imagine this on money

-Headline of the day-
"Bachmann: Democrats are trying to 'sabotage' me because they're afraid I'll be the first woman president."

Looks like Shelly's paranoid and delusional. All she has to do is take up drugs and she'll be Glenn Beck.

In an interview with WingNutDaily, Rep. Michele Bachmann said she'd be willing to run for president if God Wanted her to. Republicans keep saying that. How does that work? Is it a phone call, an email... what? For Shelly, it seems to involve ESP. "When I have sensed that the Lord is calling me to do something," she said, "I've said yes to it." She didn't mention whether her spidey sense was tingling at the moment.

And Democrats know that Jesus has his eye on her, because they're totally going out of their way to make her look like a fool. "[W]ith women politicians, they want to make sure no women, no woman becomes president before a Democrat woman, and so they're doing everything they can to, I think, sabotage women like Sarah Palin, perhaps women like myself, or similarly situated women, to make sure that we don't have a prominent national voice," she said. "But the thing is, the people in our country, they don't care who the voice is, they just want someone, they want to know that someone is speaking out for them against what will certainly bring about the destruction of our great country if we continue to go down the Obama path."

Yup, that secret mooslum terr'ist is gonna destroy this great nation by giving us all healthcare! And Shelly knows this, so she must be destroyed. They did the same thing to Sarah Palin. Most people don't know it, but Sarah used to be able to tell you which number comes after eleven -- then the demoncrats lobotomized her or something! Because they're scared of Republican ladies.

I'd suggest that Bachmann go into hiding until this all blows over. Maybe make herself scarce until -- say -- 2016 or so. By then, America should be completely destroyed and only the visionary leadership of the genius Michele Bachmann will guide us out of the darkness.

Play it safe, Shelly. Take Sarah with you. (Think Progress)

-GOP actively trying to be stupid-
President Obama has a simple message for the kids; work hard and stay in school. The problem is that he wants to tell kids this and that's the worst thing ever!

Conservatives are freaking out, accusing Obama of trying to indoctrinate schoolchildren into the ways of secret mooslum terr'ist communism. According to one report, "Mark Steyn, a Canadian author and political commentator, speaking on the Rush Limbaugh show on Wednesday, accused Mr. Obama of trying to create a cult of personality, comparing him to Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong-il, the North Korean leader."

Republican Party chairman in Florida Jim Greer said he "was appalled that taxpayer dollars are being used to spread President Obama’s socialist ideology."

That's right, working hard and staying in school is now scary socialism that's just like Hitler's Germany. Seriously, you'd have to try to be this stupid. So, of course, Republicans are trying with all their batshit-crazy little hearts.

"I wouldn't let my next-door neighbor talk to my kid alone," says Kansas City talk show host Chris Stigall, "I'm sure as hell not letting Barack Obama talk to him alone." Two points here Chris; 1, it's a webcast for classrooms -- Barack Obama isn't going to go from school to school and take kids into the janitor's closet. 2, you need to move away from your creepy neighbor.

The Democratic National Committee put out a statement that all but calls Republicans insane... Or stupid... Or both; "What this absurd episode shows is that the GOP can in fact come up with new ideas. For example, it's now clear that the new Republican education platform will argue against personal responsibility, hard work and staying in school."

Actually, that sounds a lot like Sarah Palin; if things get too rough you blame it on other people, find something easier to do, then quit to go do it.

Anything other than shiftless abandonment of all responsibility is Marxism. That seems to be the message the GOP wants to send to kids. (New York Times, Plum Line)

-Quote of the day-
"Another Obama first: Barack Obama's definitely the first black man to get attacked by the right for telling kids to study hard and stay in school."
-Josh Marshall

Not that other black men haven't tried it. Does this mean Mr. T's a communist?

T-shirt with 'stay in school' message from Mr. T

Damn that Marxist Mr. T... (Talking Points Memo)

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