News Roundup for 8/18/10

How Republicans approach the Constitution

-Headline of the day-
"Louisiana Republicans Agree: Scrap Birthright Citizenship, 17th Amendment."

Republicans just love themselves some Constitution. And no one loves it more than Jeff Landry and Kristian Magar, two GOPers running against each other to replace outgoing dem Charlie Melancon. At a primary debate, Landry and Magar went at it, displaying their love for the Constitution by trying to out-compete each other as to who would edit out the most crap. Out would go the 17th Amendment, which requires Senators to be elected, not appointed by the states. This would free up a lot of Americans' time, because they wouldn't have to mark that particular box on the ballot once every six years.

Also gone would be the dreaded 14th Amendment, which allows illegal immigrants -- as well as John McCain's parents -- to have American babies. Boy howdy would that ever have solved a problem or two in '08, huh?

And, of course, being Republicans, they're probably against the "Ground Zero mosque," flag-burning, and people who refuse to become Christian, so the 1st Amendment is out. Probably not big fans of Miranda rights and warrants for wiretaps, so there goes the 5th. Of course, there's big gummint regulation and healthcare reform, so out goes the commerce clause. The gay marriage ruling in California's a big bugaboo, so no equal protection clause. While we at it, judges are just unelected, black-robed activists, so let's lose the whole Article III thing entirely. Then a little snip here, a little trim there, and there ya go; the perfect Constitution.

"We the People Say Everyone Gets Guns. Praise Jesus! The End."

Now salute the flag or be shot, traitor. (Talking Points Memo)

-Shazam, shazam, shazam!-
Texas Republican Rep. Louis Gohmert is a boob. That's about all you really need to know about him. And, thanks to Jon Stewart on The Daily Show last night, I can demonstrate why:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Jon Stewart & Anderson Cooper Look at Gaping Holes - Security
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Now a lying Republican is nothing new, but it takes a special, inborn talent to make up lies this idiotic. Rep. Louis Gohmert is the Mozart of crazy, moronic whoppers.

OK, so I ran a TDS clip yesterday too. Sue me. I wrote "Shazam, shazam, shazam!" as a headline for a piece about a southern guy named "Gohmert." You know what that makes me? Old. And if you get the connection, you're old too. Hate to break it to you like that, but them's the facts. I get tired a lot.

Now get off my back, Skeezix. You damned kids with your hula hoops and pet rocks and hippity-hoppity music... Pull your pants up and get off my lawn! (The Daily Show)

-Bonus HotD-
"Gay Marriage and the End of Christian Civilization."

It's done. Game over. 2010 years wasn't a bad run though.

Hope everyone likes being heathen! (Catholic Exchange, via Wonkette)

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