Griper News: News Roundup for 2/10/10

Del. Cole
Keeping Virginia safe from UFOs and the antichrist

-Headline of the day-
"Human microchips seen by some in Virginia House as device of antichrist."

According to the report, "The House of Delegates is scheduled to vote Wednesday on a bill that would protect Virginians from attempts by employers or insurance companies to implant microchips in their bodies against their will."

Seems to me that implanting microchips in you against your will would already be pretty illegal, but there ya go. Not that anyone's done it or is going to do it or has plans to do it. It's just in case.

See, Del. Mark L. Cole -- who's unsurprisingly Republican -- thinks consumers need to be protected from the antichrist. "My understanding -- I'm not a theologian -- but there's a prophecy in the Bible that says you'll have to receive a mark, or you can neither buy nor sell things in end times," Cole said. "Some people think these computer chips might be that mark."

And some people think you get microchipped because aliens in UFOs shove them up your butt. Which begs the question; so what?

"I just think you should have the right to control your own body," he elaborated.

Let's see, a Virginia Republican who thinks people have a right to control their own bodies? Sounded a little fishy to me, so I checked.

Turns out that Cole was endorsed by the Virginia Society for Human Life -- an anti-abortion group -- introduced an "informed consent" bill that basically requires doctors to try to talk women out of abortion (the bill failed, by the way), and his website brags he's "defended the right to life." I'm guessing he isn't a big proponent of recreational drug use, either.

You say you think people should have the right to control their own bodies, Mark?

No you don't.

But hey, at least Virginians will be protected from the boogeyman. Because all of the real problems facing your state have been solved, leaving plenty of time to dick around with horseshit like this... (Washington Post)

-Guess what? Newt's an idiot-
If you were watching The Daily Show last night, you might've experienced the same moment I did. You're listening to Newt Gingrich talk and you're wondering, "What the hell is he talking about?" Don't worry, it happens a lot.

In this case, it was during a discussion of the underwear bomber.

GINGRICH: The American people doesn’t understand reading Miranda rights to terrorists in Detroit when its fairly obvious they’re terrorists. […]

STEWART: Didn’t they [the Bush administration] do the same with Richard Reid, the shoe bomber?

GINGRICH: Richard Reid was an American citizen.

OK, a couple of points here on that "American citizen" thing; 1) so what? and 2) no he wasn't.

The Miranda warning is based on the fifth amendment to the Constitution, which states, "No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation."

OK, so you could argue that this is a "time of War or public danger," but citizen or not has nothing to do with anything. The text says "no person," not "no citizen." And Richard Reid was a British citizen, so that blows Gingrich's argument further.

If you watched TDS last night, you witnessed a rare occurrence -- one swing, two misses.

I think Sarah Palin might be wandering around in a Newt Gingrich costume or something. (Think Progress, with video)

-Bonus HotD-
"Student detained for toting Arabic flash cards sues police."

See what listening to people like Newt Gingrich will get you? Remember, friends don't let friends be xenophobic morons -- especially if those friends are cops. (Raw Story, with video)

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