When the Pope sings “Let’s do it” (Or: Do homosexual ducks cause bush fires?)

(Even patronizing Popes do it…)

What was it that the Pope said, some time ago?

No, not about converting the Jews, or the evils of Islam, or welcoming back the prodigal Holocaust denier.

Something else…

Ah, yes. That was it: Homosexual rainforests…

“The Pope has declared that saving the world from homosexual behaviour is as important as saving the rainforests. In a Christmas message, Benedict XVI stressed the importance of traditional marriage and condemned gay acts as against God’s will.”

Of course, most sane people just ignore whatever it is that spills from the mouth of the world’s most pompous incense burner but this time the old geezer might have been on to something.

As the following story shows, some life style decisions can be more dangerous than shaking out the contents of a Pandora’s box of pyromaniacs over Australian bushland:

(Ben & Jerry’s ice cream ducks do it…)

“Attempts to breed a rare species of duck to avoid extinction in the UK have backfired after the only two remaining males fell for each other. Keepers at a bird sanctuary in West Sussex hoped that the last remaining female Blue Duck in the country - called Cherry - might mate with either of the drakes, Ben or Jerry. But neither male duck appeared interested and are now inseparable at the Arundel Wetland Centre, leaving Cherry to her own devices.”

Come to think of it, this story also explains why St Francis of Assisi insisted on preaching to those stupid birds. He was simply telling them about the birds and the bees, the bush fires and the trees, etcetera.

Ah yes, I can see and hear St Francis now, addressing one of his feathered friends:

“Go, fuck a duck!

“No, not THAT duck, you fucking pervert! I mean the other one: the bird…

“The FEMALE bird, you foul piece of fowl!

“That’s better, my son. Now, don’t let me catch you with that perv Donald again or it’s paté de foie gras before you can say ‘Gay rights.’"

(Sentimental centipedes do it…)