The new “If you make it clean, I’ll make it dirty” condom campaign: The British government is grooming girls for the “ride of their life”

(In your dreams, little man; in your dreams…)

Dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Well, I’m sure by now you will have heard the latest piece of mass murderous crap, spouted by the Pope. He’s a great admirer of the NRA, is our Pope – only he has adapted their motto ever so slightly, in order to give birth to this mantra, “AIDS doesn’t kill people: Condoms kill people.”

Anyway, as I said, old news and not even exactly news the moment he said it but it is kind of topical. I mean, look at the latest bit of nonsense the British Health Minister has come up with. As I started saying, ‘Dear, oh dear, oh dear…’

“Ministers have been accused of promoting promiscuity after launching a new campaign to encourage young women to carry condoms. The £5.2 million publicity drive tells women in their late teens and early 20s that men are attracted to girls who carry the contraceptives.

It advises that “men like nothing better than a woman who knows what she wants”. The initiative, launched by Health Minister Dawn Primarolo, also gives young women advice on how to persuade men to use condoms. Recommended phrases include “If you make it clean, I’ll make it dirty” and “Let’s get you ready for the ride of your life”.”

The Pope will not be much pleased with this one.

I have to say though that those prophylactic chat up lines need a bit more work. “If you make it clean, I’ll make it dirty?” Good grief. That’s straight from the Porky’s high school of thought.

You can picture this sad subcommittee of middle-aged men, who never got laid before their wedding night with Mrs ever-so-earnest-and-boring Right, thinking up these lines – their reading glasses steaming up, fantasising about young, REAL women who would carry CONDOMS…!!!

The only type of men, in other words, who could dream of putting such pathetic drivel into a woman’s mouth, picturing same woman taken their own pathetic shriveled male bits inside her luscious mouth as a just reward, no doubt.

Anyway, for these types of males (and almost every politician really) there truly should be a special, one-size-fits-all condom that women could carry with them at all time. Airtight and virus proof, and big enough to hold these men – and a few largish stones – and easy to throw in the nearest river, like so many sad sacks of very much undesired kittens.

(”I am the Pope and I did not approve this message…”)