News Roundup for 11/2/09

Robot from 'Flash Gordon' serial
Dem. hopeful Bill Owens prepares his fearsome robot army

-Headline of the day-
"Moderate GOPer in NY-23 Cuts Robocall For The Democrat."

Remember that election that you're supposed to care about, but don't? No, not the Virginia Governor's race, the other one -- New York's 23rd congressional district. It's the most important race ever! 1/435th of the House of Representatives is on the line and the stakes couldn't be higher!

Anyway, the Republican in the race (who's actually secretly a commie) dropped out and gave her support to -- wait for it -- the Democrat! I guess because she hates America -- although it could be because her former opponent to the right, Doug Hoffman of the Conservative Party, is insane.

So they gave her voice to a robot who's calling unsuspecting people up and telling them to vote for the Democrat.

"Hi, this is Dede Scozzafava calling on behalf of Bill Owens. And I wanted to let you know that I am supporting Bill for Congress," the terrifying metal humanoid tells people who were just eating dinner. And then there's the pitch for Bill Owens, who's a terr'ist sympathizer like Obama.

The election's tomorrow. Remember, if Hoffman wins, it means that Sarah Palin becomes the Pope of Everything Forever. If Owens wins, Obama becomes President for Life. 0.2% of Congress could switch hands and life as we know could change forever.

I counsel panic. (Plum Line)

-We kiss ass, you decide-
This weekend, FOX News' Chris Wallace sat down with Rush Limbaugh and really tore into him. Wallace did this to demonstrate how unbiased and legit FOX is as a newsource. By the end, Rush was popping Oxycontin like there was no tomorrow while he blubbered apologies for being such a dick.

Nah, just kidding. Wallace spent the entire interview inside Rush's pants. A few sample question:

You have now taken to calling Mr. Obama the man-child president. What does that mean?

To press my question, why aren’t people turning to the Republicans?

I think you’re a great broadcaster. How can you possibly be worth that kind of money?

If he does win, how is Rush Limbaugh going to handle seven more years of Barack Obama?

Our audience demands to know, why are you so awesome?

Does it bother you that some people don't know how brilliant you are?

May I sit on your lap?

According to the report, "Media Matters notes that on his video blog, Wallace reflects on his Limbaugh interview, calling him 'very nice, very sweet,' and 'vulnerable.'"

Following the interview, both Wallace and Limbaugh had to be tested for diabetes and mono. (Think Progress)

-Bonus HotD-
"Cheney FBI Interview: 72 Instances Of Can't Recall."

Maybe Dick's coming down with What's-His-Name's disease. According to the report, "On 72 occasions, according to the 28-page FBI summary, Cheney equivocated to the FBI during his lengthy May 2004 interview, saying he could not be certain in his answers to questions about matters large and small in the Plame controversy."

Scooter who? (Associated Press)

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