News Roundup for 10/10/09

Former congressman and conservative activist Asswipe Monkey Troop

-Headline of the day-
"Armey's View Of Americans With Pre-Existing Conditions: Someone Who 'Eats Like A Pig' And Has Diabetes."

Most people don't know it, but teabagger king Dick Armey's name used to be Marvin Flowersby, but he changed it to reflect his talent -- the ability to come up with things it'd normally take an army of dicks to cook up. Turns out "Asshole Battalion" was already taken. True story. Look it up.

Anyway, Dick got himself on CNN, where he solved this whole "healthcare crisis" thing by pointing out that it's all horseshit.

"[Government officials] come along and they say, irrespective of the fact they've gone 20, 30, 40 years of their adult life without ever having bought insurance prior to getting a liver inflammation due to their excessive drinking habits or diabetes because they eat like a pig, you must now insure them," he said. "But at what point do we allow the government to order people that you must sell your product to this person or that person, irrespective of any good judgment? We saw what happened in housing when they ordered banks to make loans to people who weren't qualified. Are we now going to have the same destructive influences in health care because we're going to order doctors to provide services and so forth?"

See, it's impossible to get sick if you take care of yourself. That's just common sense. People aren't born with genetic disorders or things like HIV/AIDS, you get that stuff from eating too many Twinkies. Geez, use your brain... It's science.

Of course, there are a few holes in Douchebag Brigade's theory -- like the fact that it's obviously untrue. According to the report, "Some pre-existing conditions are having a Caesarean-section pregnancy, being a victim of domestic violence, or being a victim of rape. Most individual health insurance markets don't even cover maternity care. Other pre-existing conditions that insurers have used to either deny people outright or charge exorbitant fees for coverage include being an expectant father, having acne, or being a police officer."

All that aside, we ought to pay attention to this Jerkwad Strike Force guy. After all, you don't become the bazillionaire leader of a bunch of people who know that Obama's a communist (like Hitler!) if you don't know what the hell you're talking about. (Think Progress)


-This ought to work out well...-
According to Politico, "A Florida conservative has registered an official 'Tea Party' with the office of the Secretary of State, and is promising to run candidates against Republicans and Democrats in state and national races." That'd be a 'tea party' as a political party or a Tea Party Party.

See, since the race in Ny-23, in which a teabagger totally womped the commie the Republican Party put up for election (and, in the process, handed the seat over to a Democrat in a district that hadn't elected one in more than 100 years), they're kind of feeling the triumphalism. So now the Tea Party Party partisans want to take out even more Republicans who are secretly communists sent to destroy America by al Qaeda. That'll show them, no more RINOs!

I give it a year before Florida officially changes its name to Democratachussets. (Politico)


-Bonus HotD-
"Sarah Palin Is Tweeting Again In Addition To The Facebook And The Memoir."

When Sarah Palin quit being the Mayor of Santa's Village, she also quit using Twitter and the popular service went dark because, let's face it, without Sarah Palin, what's the point?

But now Sarah Palin has a new Twitter account, because she's trying to sell her new book, If I Keep Trying Different Things, I Know I'll be Good at Something: The Sarah Palin Story.

If you check it out, you won't see anything -- she's hasn't tweetlepated a single word. But she's gonna, you wait and see.

"This new endeavor contains exactly zero content and already has 11,000 followers," reports Wonkette "which sounds about right."

If anyone out there's running a pool on what her first tweet will be about, I want my money on "snow machines." (Wonkette)