News Roundup for 3/21/11

Not atypical

-Headline of the day-
"How Dumb Are We?"

Pretty darn dumb. Some of us, anyway. See Newsweek asked a bunch of people questions from the US Citizenship test -- you know, the quiz that immigrants have to take to become citizens. Turns out that, at this point in time, 38% of natural born citizens wouldn't qualify for citizenship if they had to apply for it.

According to the report, "29 percent couldn't name the vice president. Seventy-three percent couldn't correctly say why we fought the Cold War. Forty-four percent were unable to define the Bill of Rights. And 6 percent couldn't even circle Independence Day on a calendar."

And the thing is, the test isn't really all that hard. In order to pass, you only need to answer six questions correctly -- out of one hundred. That's right, you only need to score 6% and 38% couldn't even do that.

Which goes a long way toward explaining what's wrong with our political landscape these days; people who don't know shit have opinions. The report uses our current budget debate as an example, pointing out that a "2010 World Public Opinion survey found that Americans want to tackle deficits by cutting foreign aid from what they believe is the current level (27 percent of the budget) to a more prudent 13 percent. The real number is under 1 percent. A Jan. 25 CNN poll, meanwhile, discovered that even though 71 percent of voters want smaller government, vast majorities oppose cuts to Medicare (81 percent), Social Security (78 percent), and Medicaid (70 percent). Instead, they prefer to slash waste -- a category that, in their fantasy world, seems to include 50 percent of spending, according to a 2009 Gallup poll."

And people wonder how outfits like Fox News can pull the wool over people's eyes so often. The wool's already there, all they do is style it. (Newsweek)


-Trying hard to be offended-
If there's one thing I know about Michelle Malkin, it's that if there's any way to become offended by something, she'll be offended by it. It's like her hobby.

So imagine how outraged Shelly got when she learned that NPR's comedy quiz Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me deeply insulted her family and her heritage. During a regular segment, contestants are given several news stories -- only one of which is true -- and are then asked which one was real. Unfortunately, the Malkin family made an appearance:


Conservative commentator and Fox News contributor Michelle Malkin has expressed her fear that there are Muslims amongst us who are hiding their true identity. The most prominent, she claims, being Barack Obama. However, when she set out to find proof of these undercover Muslims, she found more than she bargained for.
It turns out that there are, indeed, some Muslims hiding their identity to fly under the radar. The most pertinent one for Malkin being her own grandfather.

Yes, Grandpa Malkin, who is from the Philippines but lives with Michelle's parents, had not told the family about his religion for fear of being ostracized and thrown out. "Do you know how hard it is to pray five times a day when your family doesn't know?"

"I had to excuse myself to the bathroom every time I wanted to pray."

"And the ham dinners, don't get me started on the ham dinners."

Malkin was in shock when her grandfather revealed his true identity to her. He explained that he had been closeted Muslim for too long and it was time for him to live his life and be happy with himself. Malkin used the revelation to confirm her argument that Muslims are taking over. First they wanted the youth, and now they’re going after my grandfather? My 90-year-old grandfather? This is sick.


Needless to say, this is the worst thing ever! And it doesn't help that the guy saying all of the lies is a Muslim comedian!

She then goes on to fact-check the piece -- which was revealed later in the show to be untrue anyway -- because NPR is liberal and is trying to get people to think she's a Muslim!

A comedy bit which admits to being untrue must not be allowed to sully Shelly's reputation like that. It simply must be answered.

Preferably, with copious amounts of completely unwarranted outrage. The perpetually offended and infinitely aggrieved teabagging masses who read her blog expect no less. (Michelle Malkin)


-Bonus HotD-
"Scott Walker Touts His Union-Busting Agenda As 'Progressive'."

I guess that makes him a commie then. All you wingnuts have to stop loving him now.

Sorry, those are the rules. I don't make them up. (ThinkProgress)