News Roundup for 10/6/09

Republican Jesus

-Headline of the day-
"Conservative group aims to delete 'liberal bias' from Bible."

Because there's Republican Jesus, you see, and the fake one. The online alternative to the godless monstrosity that is Wikipedia is putting together their own version of the Bible and all that horseshit about mercy and helping the poor and loving thy neighbor is out.

Conservapedia has set up the Conservative Bible Project which, according to the report, "aims to rewrite the Bible from a modern, conservative perspective."

"Liberal bias has become the single biggest distortion in modern Bible translations," say's Conservapedia's page for the project.

Some verses that are out; "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do" is "is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible," and "evidently many of Jesus' other teachings -- from the 'turn the other cheek' lesson, to his disdain for profiteering -- will also no longer be acceptable in the conservative Bible."

It strikes me that, if they're going to edit out all the stuff that sounds liberal, they're going to wind up with a mostly Jesus-free Bible. They could save themselves a lot of time and just punch up the Old Testament if that's where they're going with this. The Old God was an asshole -- nearly as big of an asshole as your average conservative. Wouldn't take a lot of work to fix that up. It's this pansy New Coventant guy who's a commie. Just get rid of Him altogether.

Of course, liberals have found this not so much shocking as hilarious. If you head over to Twitter and check out the hashtag #ConservativeBible, you'll find a bunch fixed up verses liberals have helpfully suggested. Hell, even I took a shot or four at it.

I always like being helpful. Remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how He said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.

Of course, that's because he was a Godless commie. (Raw Story)


-Speaking of whacked-out right wing Christians...-
...the ghost of Jerry Falwell haunts our steps in the form of the Liberty Council, an offspring of his Liberty University. Always a font of really great ideas, LC may have the most awesome idea ever in the history of right wing fanatic groups having good ideas -- pray liberalism away!

Huzzah and hosannah!

See, it works like this; you adopt a liberal, then you pray your little heart out that they see the light and become conservative. It's so easy... Why didn't anyone think of this before?

And not just any liberal. I mean, who cares about your hippy heighbor down the street who drives a Prius? No, we're talking bigtime liberals here -- remove the head and the snake dies.

"Pray earnestly and intensely for them!" LC commands from on high. "Pray that the Lord would move upon them and cause them to be the kind of leaders who will encourage others to lead 'a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence.' We encourage you to seek the Lord's guidance on how to pray for your liberal(s), always allowing Him to temper your prayer with His love and mercy."

So you can adopt Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton or Barney Frank or Rev. Barry Lynn, head of Americans United for Separation of Church and State. Then Jesus will show up at their doorstep (the real one, not that left-leaning weakling from the Bible) and set them straight.

Of course, the big problem here is that the only real difference between praying and casting a hex is that they're spelled differently. This isn't going to work in a bazillion years. And, when it fails, will these people find their wingnut faith a little dented?

Of course not. That's why they're wingnuts. Evidence and results don't mean jack to them. (Amygdala)


-Bonus HotD-
"Congressional GOP Fundraising Committee On Pelosi: It's Time To 'Put Her In Her Place.'"

Back in the kitchen, you wench! (Think Progress)


-USA! USA!-
Obama's failed attempt to get the 2016 Olympics for Chicago proves the world hates Obama and means we're looking at a failed presidency. Unquestionably. Case closed.

Unfortunately, the world doesn't give that answer when you actually ask them. The latest National Brand Index (NBI) gives the US the top spot as the "most admired country in the world."

Why is this? According to the report, "The United States is the most admired country globally thanks largely to the star power of President Barack Obama and his administration..."

"What's really remarkable is that in all my years studying national reputation, I have never seen any country experience such a dramatic change in its standing as we see for the United States for 2009," said NBI founder Simon Anholt. Asked if Obama really was the reason for this, he answered, "There is no other explanation."

Expect conservatives to boo the results -- because, suddenly, they're convinced America sucks. (Think Progress)