News Roundup for 7/7/09

Palin taking the Oath of Office as Gov. of Alaska

-Headline of the day-
"The Sarah Palin I-Quit-arod."

Sarah Palin decided that she had to quit being the Gov. of Alaska, because otherwise she'd have to be a lame duck and that's what quitters do. Normally, I'd let you take a second to recover from that logical assault, but it's been a few days since the announcement-- if you're not over it by now, you've been psychically handicapped by the statement. You have my sympathy.

But it turns out that quitting the governorship isn't the only time she decided to not be a quitter by quitting. It's like her hobby or something. During a five year period, Palin went to five different colleges, quitting four. She wound up with a Bachelor's degree from who only knows what school. I believe the degree was in Quit-School-ology.

She also quit a gig with the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission. "Palin said it was hard to do her job with potential civil penalties hanging over her head if she talked about what went on at her agency," the report tells us. "She said the experience was taking the 'oomph' out of her passion for government service and she decided to quit rather than becoming bitter."

Well, at least she still has her 'oomph' and she's not bitter. That's what's really important.

So the moral of this story is that even if Sarah Palin were to someday become president (and that possibility has pretty much died), we probably wouldn't have to put up with her for more than a year or two. Then she'd quit to found a candy company or become a spokesperson for Ramen noodles or take a job as an elephant wrangler for Bollywood movies or something. As soon as she got bored, she'd pack her knapsack and vamoose.

She was born to ramble... (TIME, via Right Wing Watch)


-Insane in their grief-
Two items from Editor and Publisher's E&P Pub blog on newspaper coverage of Michael Jackson's memorial service:


'WSJ' Goes Absurd Over Jacko: Live Blogging the Live Blogging

Somehow we don't think would have happened pre-Murdoch. A [Wall Street] Journal blog live blogs the live blogging of other blogs live blogging the MJ service.


Say what?

And:

'Los Angeles Times' Map Follows MJ's Body

[...]

The Los Angeles Times has posted a Google map that is constantly updated to show the exact location of Jackson's body as it travels from a private funeral to the Staples Center public memorial and on throughout the day. It's not exactly the O.J. Bronco chase, but still...


Clearly, this is the most important thing that ever happened in my lifetime -- which includes the Kennedy assassination, the King assassination, the other Kennedy assassination, the moon landing, Watergate, the fall of Saigon, the fall of the Soviet Union, the birth of the internet, and the election of the first black president.

Someday, your children or your children's children will ask you what you were doing today and you can tell them you were reading live blogging of live blogging while tracking Michael Jackson's corpse on the internet.

Imagine the wonder in those sparkling young eyes... (E&P Pub and E&P Pub)


-Bonus HotD-
"Franken takes the oath."

According to the report, newly-minted Minnesota Sen. Al Franken was sworn in by Joe Biden, after which "the gallery erupted in an unusual and lengthy applause that continued for several minutes."

Future HotD: "FOX News Host Bill O'Reilly Dies in Red-Faced Fit of Apoplexy." (Think Progress)