News Roundup for 7/2/09

Bomb her back to the stone age

-Headline of the day-
"Time for an Israeli Strike?"

Of course, it's always time for an Israeli military strike against Iran. At least, if you ask professional warhead John Bolton. In a fairly long op-ed for the argument it puts across, Bolton says that Israel absolutely has to bomb Iran, because Obama's too much of a wuss to do it.

See, the argument goes this way; Iran has a death ray. The end.

Actually, it's just a little more complicated than that, but not much. Iran is just about 30 seconds away from developing a nuclear arsenal the size of the freakin' Soviet Union's and they're going to use this arsenal to kill everyone on Earth -- mostly because they're evil. There was a minute there where it looked like the Iranian government would be overthrown, but now it looks like that won't happen. So, where we previously had to stand with the people of Iran and yell "Allahu Akbar!" at the top of our lungs, we now have to hope that Israel bombs those same Iranian people into glass -- because, again, Obama's too much of a wuss to do it.

So, that whole "we're with the Iranian people!" fad is so five minutes ago. Now it's back to business as usual.

Kill 'em all. (Washington Post)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, when science and conservatism butt heads, science always wins! Here's why:


Click for animation

I think it's like a metaphor or something... (MarkFiore.com)


-SCANDAL IN THE WHITE HOUSE!!!-
Eek! Texas Rep. Joe "Smokey Joe" Barton warned the country on FOX's America's Newsroom that Barack Obama is just like Nixon! Not in that he committed any crimes, but in that he has a scandal on his hands. An entirely made-up scandal, sure, but a scandal nonetheless.

See, it all started when Al Carlin, who worked for the Environmental Protection Agency, wrote a study casting doubt on global warming. The White House then hushed this all up, because they want to use this "climate change" hokum to turn America into a commie state. Glenn Beck got wind of it and Sen. James Inhofe wants a criminal investigation, because not publishing a study by a scientist is a crime... I guess... It's just not really clear what crime it would actually be.

But wait, did I say "scientist?" Carlin's actually an economist, which is so close to being a climate scientist that the distinction isn't really necessary. It's like music theory and heart surgery -- they're practically the same thing. And he didn't actually write the study for the agency, so much as he did despite it. The EPA never ordered the study because they're all picky and don't see the obvious similarities between climate science and economics.

Still, that hasn't stopped the flatearthers from going nuts with this non-story, which is really "minor functionary writes unwanted report on issue in which he's not an expert; agency fails to give him a medal." Barton told the foxbots that "just as Nixon had Watergate, Obama now has Carbongate to deal with."

I'm sorry, but "Carbongate" just sounds like a really bad strip mall. If you guys want to put some legs on this story, you're going to have to come up with a better name.

I suppose "Bullshitgate" is a little too close to the mark. Get a PR firm on it. They'll come up with something. (Talking Points Memo)