News Roundup for 7/27/09

Siding with the terr'ists now

-Headline of the day-
"LIMBAUGH DISCOVERS HIS OPPOSITION TO TORTURE."

Yay! Now that it's a little too late, the spokesperson for the drug-addled talk radio idiot demographic comes out against torture. It's bad, bad, bad and it leads to tyranny and dictatorship and probably the metric system.

"[T]here are people in this country, who are Americans, and have the same view of totalitarianism that all the worst regimes in the world have had. They just are a minority -- or have been a minority," Limbaugh told his audience. "And they have to be stealth to get anywhere, because who's gonna vote for torture? Who's gonna vote for tyranny? Who's gonna vote for dictatorship? But we did. We did, and you see it slowly encroaching. And if they could move faster on this, they would."

Yeah, he's not talking about Bush, he's talking about Obama who, we must remember, is just like Hitler.

"Keep in mind, when Limbaugh says we 'did' vote for torture and dictatorship, he's referring to Obama's election, not Bush's. 'Who's going vote for torture?' Well, as I recall, Limbaugh did, twice," writes Steve Benen. "It's almost comical. Bush created a torture policy; Obama ended the torture policy. So, naturally, Limbaugh tells his audience that Obama supporters 'voted for torture.'"

Confused yet? That just means you don't have the Zen mindset it takes to be a proper wingnut. What was true yesterday isn't true today and vice-versa. You need to be able to reinvent everything you believe with all your batshit-crazy little heart every couple of seconds or so. Truth is what the talk radio blowhard says it is and this material plane is just a realm of illusion. Wingnut enlightenment means being able to believe anything at all -- including that you've always believed in something you didn't.

I'm not exactly clear on how you pull that off. Ask Rush. I'm guessing that all the Oxycodone helps. (Political Animal, with clip)


-Citizen Sarah-
Yesterday was Sarah Palin's last day in office and, in her farewell speech, she departed with a quiet dignity and grace befitting...

Pffft! Nah, just kidding. She went on a wingnut bender of a speech, attacking Hollywood and the media. I almost got through that first sentence with a straight face, too. A couple of gems:


-Some straight talk for some -- just some -- in the media... You represent what could and should be a respected, honest profession that could and should be a cornerstone of our democracy. Democracy depends on you. That is why our troops are willing to die for you. So how about in honor of the American soldier, ya' quit makin’ things up?

-Alaskans need to really stick together... Stiffen your spine to do what's right for Alaska when the pressure mounts because you’re going to see anti-hunting, anti-second amendment circuses from Hollywood… They use these delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets, they use Alaska as a fundraising tool for their anti-second amendment causes. Stand strong and remind them (that) patriots will protect our individual guaranteed right to bear arms. And by the way, Hollywood needs to know: We eat, therefore we hunt.


So CNN has to stop killing soldiers by lying to us about... hell, I don't know. It'd help if she said. And we need to remember that Hollywood starlets want Alaskans to starve, because there aren't any grocery stores up there.

I don't know. This seems to make sense to someone. But the most important part to remember is that if you don't understand why Sarah Palin is quitting, then you just don't understand why Sarah Palin is quitting.

"Some still are choosing not to hear why I made the decision to chart a new course to advance the state. And it should be so obvious to you," she said. "It is because I love Alaska this much... that I feel that it is my duty to avoid the unproductive, typical, politics as usual, lame duck session in one's last year in office... With this decision now, I will be able to fight even harder for you for what is right and for truth, and I have never felt you need a title to do that."

OK. So you had to quit because there's some law that prevents the governor of Alaska from fighting for Alaska, provided it's the last year of said governor's term. Seems to me that's a screwy setup, but what do I know?

Sarah Palin, giving new meaning to the phrase, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." (Anchorage Daily News)


-Crazy stuff wingnuts believe-
Q: Is the ACLU suing to have cross-shaped headstones removed from military cemeteries?

A: No. And they aren't suing to "end prayer from the military," either. Then again, if you're not an idiot, you already know that -- mostly because the whole idea's freakin' insane. (Annenberg Fact Check)