News Roundup for 7/17/09

A whole lot crazier than you'll ever be

-Headline of the day-
"VA GOP delegate candidate may 'resort to the bullet box.'"

Talk about sore losers... Catherine Crabill, the GOP nominee for Delegate in Virginia's 99th District, is threatening armed revolution if she doesn't win election. Or something like that, anyway. With wingnuts, who even knows what they really mean?

"We have the chance to fight this battle at the ballot box before we have to resort to the bullet box... That's the beauty of our 2nd Amendment rights," she says. "Our 2nd Amendment right was to guard against tyranny." So, if I understand this argument, the founding fathers set up a system of democratic elections, then wanted any group of armed yahoos to be able overturn those elections if they didn't go their way. It seems to me that this would make that whole "elections" part a superfluous step. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that probably wasn't what they had in mind and that Catherine Crabill's a little goofy in the head.

Not that Cathy's known for being sane. Her first brush with notoriety came when she blamed the US government for the Oklahoma City bombing while living in New Mexico.

So how much do we have to fear from gun-totin' Cathy Crabill? Not as much as you think. "I am not a gun owner but I did participate with the Women on Target group in White Stone last year and intend to do so again," she writes on her website. "If I ever feel competent with a fire arm I will not be ashamed to obtain one." Because, you know, people who own guns are known to be ashamed of them. If she ever feels competent at anything, I'm guessing her confidence will be misplaced.

But here's a crazy idea; if you're going to threaten armed revolution, it might help to actually have a gun and it might be a good idea to know what to do with it. It's kind of a requirement in this whole viva la revolucion thing.

So, voters of Virginia's 99th District, go ahead and vote for whoever you want. If she loses, the worst you have to worry about is Crabill sitting in a clocktower with a deer rifle, yelling, "OK, I got the chamber open... Now what?"

Seriously, if she's as dumb as she seems to be, she'll never figure it out. (Raw Story)


-What?!?-
"I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie Bruno, but there’s a scene there where Sacha Baron Cohen invites Paula Abdul to be interviewed on chairs made out of Mexicans. And that’s exactly what the Obama or the congressional plan does."
-Dr. Robert Goldberg of the Center for Medicine in the Public Interest, to FOX News' Megyn Kelly.

That's right, the Democrats' plan for health care reform is to make Paula Abdul sit on Mexicans. It's gotta be true, it was on FOX News. (Think Progress, with video)


-Just a reminder-
Pat Buchanan is a horribly racist fuckwit. (Huffington Post)


-I'm not sure Christianity is compatible with family values-
At least, not this brand of Christianity. According to the report, "A Capitol Hill townhouse that serves as a dormitory and meeting place for a band of conservative Christian lawmakers has been linked to a third episode of marital infidelity, this time in a Mississippi court filing by a former lawmaker's estranged wife."

Rep. Charles W. Pickering Jr. joins John Ensign and Marc Sanford on the list of frequent residents of a C Street brownstone who've gotten into sex scandals. Turns out that Pickering's wife "alleges that he carried on an extramarital affair with a onetime college sweetheart while he lived at a house at 133 C Street in Southeast Washington." She's filing an "alienation of affection" lawsuit.

What's the deal with the brownstone? It's run by a spooky DC Christian group known as "the family," who seem not to really worry much about that whole Christian lifestyle thing. According to the report, "The extremely tight-knit and secretive group is described by those with knowledge of its practices as a prayer group in which members seek to discuss personal issues and 'hold each other accountable.'"

They suck at that last part.

Look guys, if you're going to live like this while you're in DC, why don't you just go ahead and start a frat house? Seriously, you can bring in beer and strippers and no one would bat an eye. And you wouldn't have to sit through all those prayer breakfasts hungover in sunglasses. Man, does that ever suck, huh? The last thing you want to see is a big stack of pancakes.

And, while you're taking suggestions, why don't you guys shut the hell up about how moral you all are. Really, it just makes you look like dicks when it all falls apart. If everyone knew your were chugging Lowenbrau out of a poledancer's stainless steel wonderbra every night, no one would be all like "Ooh, that's shocking!" when one of you guys got caught with your pants around your ankles. It's not the sex that makes it a scandal, it's the hypocrisy.

Seriously, drop that whole religious stick-in-the-mud crap and embrace your inner decadent Roman senator. Hell, have a toga party. It'll pay off in the long run. (CQ Politics)