Griper News: News Roundup for 8/18/11

John Wayne
Texas Governor Rick Perry

-Headline of the Day-
"Rick Perry Can't Defend His Claim That Social Security Is Unconstitutional Because He's 'Got A Big Mouthful.'"

Mouthful of what? If you guess BS, you're only half right. His mouth was also full of what he called "pop ups" -- despite the fact that the restaurant he was campaigning at was called "Popovers on the Square."

At the New Hampshire stop, Perry learned that the state isn't much like Texas and, if you say something insane, they're not going to let it slide. Despite having claimed in the past that Social Security is unconstitutional, Perry's trying to have it both ways by pretending to be committed to protecting it -- at least, for the generation currently collecting.

Anyway, protesters in New Hampshire weren't buying it and asked him to explain his interesting constitutional theory. it was at this point that Perry displayed his astounding rhetorical skills; "I don't think I..." he said. "I'm sorry, you must have..."

Cleared that right up, huh? Having reached the limit of his ability to string words together, Perry "stuffed a generous piece of popover in his mouth." Why lookie there! I'd surely love to answer you folks' question, but I went and jammed my skull plum full of puff pastries. Reckon I'll have to get back to you on that. Y'all have a good day and cowboy boots sixshooter horseshoes yeehaw!

Perry then rushed out, impressing onlookers with his Three Stooges imitation as he "tripped over one of the women standing at his side pressing him on Social Security."

This is what passes for presidential timber on the right these days. (ThinkProgress)

-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, it's a big scary world with lots of bad things happening and the press will cover it all -- after the elections!

Click for animation

Wait, did Sarah Palin sneeze? Stop the presses! (MarkFiore.com)

-Bonus HotD-
"Bachmann: The American People Are Concerned About 'The Rise Of The Soviet Union.'"

Oh for fuck's sake... (Right Wing Watch)

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