News Roundup for 5/4/10

Virginia seal
Perverted smut

-Headline of the day-
"Cuccinelli ditches censored lapel pins, blames the media for making them a 'distraction.'"

Damned media and their laser-like focus on Republican fucknuttery! You'd think they'd leave an Attorney General in peace, but no-o-o, they've got to go and report when an AG changes the 234 year old State Seal of Virginia because it's sick porno.

See, the seal features Virtus, the Roman goddess who's the living embodiment of virtue, with a boob hanging out. And Virginia AG Ken Cuccinelli wanted to make some lapel pins for the guys to wear out on the town, but who wants to look at that? So he changed the seal all on his lonesome.

Which was probably a violation of state law. But hey, can't clothe an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Clearly, the super-Christian founders never intended for a half-naked pagan goddess to represent the state -- even though that's exactly what they voted for in 1776. Then, in 1930, the seal was standardized and in 1949, it got all fancy with color. Turns out that a lot of people looked at this thing and no one ever noticed it was porn!

So Ken The Kooch whipped up his own design -- ignoring the 1930 and 1949 legal standardizations -- covering up the heathen tit and coming just short of renaming Virtus "Molly" and declaring her a born-again Christian. Then the media went and reported the whole thing and everyone thought The Kooch was an idiot -- which is of course the media's fault, not Ken's. The Kooch decided that this was all a big distracting waste of time (which makes you wonder why he undertook it in the first place) and told everyone he's not going to change it. You like porn so much? Fine. You've got porn for a state seal. Hope you're happy.

Eighteenth century pagan smut wins again. The nation is clearly doomed. (Think Progress)

-An honest mistake-
A co-founder of the Family Research Council, a rightwing nutjob, and an insanely Christian man, George Rekers hates him some gays. Hates, hates, hates. Gays are crazy people who can be cured and, if they don't want to be cured, then they're just perverts like the people who designed the Great Seal of Virginia.

You know where this is going, don't you?

If you guessed that Rekers showed up at an airport with a gay hooker, you'd be right. But Rekers has a great excuse. He needed someone to help him with his luggage, so he hired a strapping young man from a site called RentBoy.com, which features this able-bodied lad on its landing page:

Page featuring really gay image of hunk

So Rekers took a look at that, figured a fella like that could easily handle his bags... I mean, carry his luggage... and hired someone from the site. Of course, the header on the site reads "Male Escort | Male Masseur | Become a Male Escort," but who knows what that's supposed to mean? It's so vague.

Among the escort's moving man qualifications on his profile page are the helpful facts that he has a "smooth, sweet, tight ass" and a "perfectly built 8 inch cock." Which was apparently just what Rekers needed in order to lift those heavy suitcases.

One thing we can be sure of is that Dr. George Rekers is totally not gay. Of course, if we buy that, it means he's just really, really stupid. (Raw Story)

-Bonus HotD-
"Embracing The Bag."

Teabaggers get all bent out of shape when you call them teabaggers -- which is why I make a point to always do it. So, when President Obama said that Republican opposition to the stimulus "set the tenor for the whole year ... That helped to create the tea-baggers and empowered that whole wing of the Republican Party to where it now controls the agenda for the Republicans," they decided they needed to freak out over it.

The problem? Teabaggers came up with the term themselves and later found out it meant something really, really bad.

Now teabaggers are arguing with teabaggers as to whether they should let people call them teabaggers. Let me know what you decide guys.

Not that I care either way. I'm going to call you teabaggers regardless. I'm just curious. (Talking Points Memo)

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