We need an International Atheist Day

(Hey, in this cartoon Homer had eyebrows...!)

You know, Christians are a funny lot. It’s not so much that they needed a massive, divine bail-out to get rid of their sins but more that they showed even less contrition than your average banker, by calling the day their Lord died a gruesome death for their sakes ‘Good Friday.’

Of course, God did get His own back. So, us mortals might offend him by celebrating the fact that His only Child got spiked to a tree but He is still sending us yearly repeats of that much dreaded ‘It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown’ special. Which almost makes for a fair trade.

Anyway, the Easter bunny has skipped town again on its perforated, resurrected feet. The chocolate high is over and now all of us can pretend the whole unfortunate hammer & nails gang bang never happened.

As so often though, the last few days reminded me of the fact that, when it comes to internationally recognized holidays, the Godheads seem to have the market well and truly cornered.

Now, me, I have no particular stake in this. I’m an agnost and I realize that a yearly International Agnost Festival would be silly. I mean, I can just see a congregation of agnosts coming together, in order to try and put such a day on the map:

What will we call it? I don’t know…
When will we have it? I don’t know…
What will we eat? I don’t know…

No, that way lies madness.

Still, there’s no reason why Atheists couldn’t have a holiday of their own. God knows more than a few of them are militant, dogmatic, evangelical and plain rude enough to be able to demand and organize such an official celebration of their creed – and it would be easy enough to pick a date for it too.

I think Richard Dawkins’s birthday would be a fine day for it.

They could call their little do the ‘God Is Terminated’ day or something. Yes, I think an International ‘GIT Day’ would fit in perfectly with all the other religious festivals.

Which takes care of those first two ‘when’ & ‘what’ questions. Now, what to eat on GIT Day…?

Yesss…

You know how Christians gobble Christmas turkeys, while the Muslims have their Sugar Festival after the Ramadan, the Jews nibble their Freedom Matzes at Pesah and various other religions have their own calorie-centered rituals, I’m sure.

So, maybe our atheists could have Salman Rushdie, in a bunny suit, hopping from door to door, not so much mending fences as lobbing Satanic cupcakes over them.

That would do nicely, I think.

(Watch if you dare but this is truly worse than seeing John Denver go down on the Easter beagle…)