News Roundup for 4/16/09

TX Gov. Goodhair, shown hating on America

-Headline of the day-
"Texas governor says secession possible."

That's right, Republican Governor Rick Perry hates America so much that he's willing to consider quitting the union. Speaking at one of the teabagger rallies, Perry said, "There's a lot of different scenarios. We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that. But Texas is a very unique place, and we're a pretty independent lot to boot."

OK, so I'm not being fair. Gov. Goodhair doesn't hate America so much he wants to secede, he just says he's going hate America enough to secede if everything doesn't get all Republican and pronto. There's a big difference. I guess.

Anyway, bordering states like Kansas and Louisiana would probably be wise to gear up for a wave of illegal immigrants when the nation of Texas finally goes broke -- again. One hurricane ought to do it. Then all these Texican border-hoppers will come here to the good ol' USA and take all our jobs. Finally, we'll have to build a big old border fence to keep the illegals out, Lou Dobbs will have to hate the dirty, lazy Texicans who don't even bother to learn our language, and Minutemen will have to patrol the border with dogs or something. Sounds like a big mess.

I say we put an preemptive embargo on Texas and pretend they're all Cubans. It just seems easier in the long run that way. (CNN)


-Choo-choo!-
Barack Obama and Joe Biden put out a plan today for a new system of high-speed rail for the US. To sell it, Obama explained that we need trains, because Bush made planes suck.

"Imagine boarding a train in the center of a city," he said. "No racing to an airport and across a terminal, no delays, no sitting on the tarmac, no lost luggage, no taking off your shoes. Imagine whisking through towns at speeds over 100 miles an hour, walking only a few steps to public transportation, and ending up just blocks from your destination. Imagine what a great project that would be to rebuild America."

You know what this means, don't you? It means the anti-abortion group Susan B. Anthony List was right -- Barack Obama wants run your baby over with a train.

Don't say they didn't warn you. (MoJo Blog)


-Apparently, Laura Bush sucked-
A new Marist poll finds "Nearly three months after her husband assumed the highest office in the land, a plurality of Americans -- 44% -- thinks Michelle Obama represents change for the better as First Lady of the United States. Just 4% have a negative impression of Mrs. Obama in her new role, and 31% feel Michelle Obama has yet to make her mark."

Of course, in the order of things that matter, what we think of the First Lady is pretty low on the list. But consider what we were told about her before the election. Then she was a black radical commie who gave "terrorist fist jabs" and -- like Texas Gov. Perry -- hated America.

How soon we forget. (Political Wire)