British government says it WILL do a de Menezes on kids who eat fairy cakes

(Put that down or you will die young, ugly, fat and unmourned…!)

You know, I’m getting sick and tired of people attacking the government, whenever it tries to do something for the common good.

Honestly, what’s with all this people? It used to be that freeing people from an evil dictator was the stuff fairytales were made of but now a US president or British PM only needs to say boo to some Saddam and the whole world’s got its collective tit in a paper shredder.

Same with surveillance cameras, Internet control and the shooting of the odd Brazilian electrician: Gods, you’d think the government was morphing into some Orwellian bewilderbeast, if you’d pay attention to the chattering hordes of elitist journalists and mad bloggers.

Are all of these uncouth critics paid by the Axis of Evil? Do they want Osama to win…?

So, now this:

Health experts have accused the Government of using “ludicrous scare tactics” in a public information campaign which links eating a fairy cake to early death The Department of Health spent £500,000 on two advertisements aimed at mothers, and placed in women’s weekly magazines.

One - which shows a picture of a young girl of healthy weight and appearance, biting into a fairy cake, and captioned: “Is a premature death so tempting?” - has provoked a backlash from parents, chefs and obesity experts. They say that demonising treats and frightening children will do nothing to stem Britain’s obesity epidemic. The initiative, part of a £75 million Government publicity campaign to reduce Britain’s waistlines, has united critics ranging from the chef Delia Smith to the charity the National Obesity Forum.

Again, what’s wrong with these people? Can’t they see the government is trying its darndest to save what used to be Great Britain from becoming a nation wide tub of lardies?

There is an economic crisis going on, you know, so we should all be tightening our belts instead of emulating the Marshmallow man.

So, shut up already and let Gordon Brown get on with things. He knows what he’s doing, I’m sure. Just look at all the wonderful things he’s done for the economy – or the banks, anyway. He’s a good man, is our Gordon and so are his ministers…

…and YOU, young lady, put down that fairy cake NOW or nice uncle Gordon will send out the Metropolitan Police who WILL do a de Menezes on you (or beat you till you have a heart attack), before you can take even the tiniest of Tinkerbell bites…

Or do all of you really want to end up looking like this…