News Roundup for 4/24/09

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Crazytown)

-Headline of the day-
"Bachmann: CO2 'is a natural byproduct of nature.'"

So is ape urine, but that doesn't mean I want to drink a big glass of it.

America's favorite right wing lunatic, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, thought Earth Day would be a good time to take to the floor of the House of Representatives to defend carbon dioxide against those who would remove all of it from our atmosphere. For the record, that political movement consists of no one.

"Carbon dioxide, Mister Speaker, is a natural byproduct of nature," she said. "Carbon dioxide is natural. It occurs in Earth. It is a part of the regular lifecycle of Earth. In fact, life on planet Earth can't even exist without carbon dioxide. So necessary is it to human life, to animal life, to plant life, to the oceans, to the vegetation that's on the Earth, to the, to the fowl that -- that flies in the air, we need to have carbon dioxide as part of the fundamental lifecycle of Earth."

You know, there are a lot of things that are natural that aren't extremely good for you. If she has some doubts about that, I invite Shelly Bachmann to take a dip in a big pool of lava. Not being content and intimating that she had no idea what the hell she was talking about, Shelly then went on to prove it.

"The carbon dioxide is perhaps three percent of the total atmosphere that's in the Earth," she said. "So if you take a pie chart, and you have all of Earth's atmosphere, carbon dioxide is perhaps three percent of that total." Actually, there's even less than that. Carbon dioxide makes up about 0.04% of the atmosphere. So, basically, Shelly's just making shit up. She didn't even bother to run her little rant through Wikipedia.

But hey, natural is natural. I encourage Rep. Michele Bachmann to feel free to eat any mushrooms she finds as she wanders through her native Minnesotan woods. They're 100% natural, so there's no way they could ever be bad for you.

Eat up, Shelly. Plenty more where those came from. (Think Progress)


-Things are tough all over-
New York Magazine is running cover story, titled "Wail of the 1%," about how tough it is for gazillionaire Wall Street types now that they've run the economy into the ground. I guess people are actually blaming them for screwing America up, when all they really did was screw America up -- while getting stupid-rich doing it.

"No offense to Middle America, but if someone went to Columbia or Wharton, [even if] their company is a fumbling, mismanaged bank, why should they all of a sudden be paid the same as the guy down the block who delivers restaurant supplies for Sysco out of a huge, shiny truck?" asks one Citigroup exec. I'll take a shot at that; because they suck at their job. In fact, the Sysco guy should make more, because he actually delivered the supplies -- you guys didn't deliver jack-bo.

"I’m not giving to charity this year!" one hedge-fund analyst yelled at the NYM reporter on the phone. "When people ask me for money, I tell them, 'If you want me to give you money, send a letter to my senator asking for my taxes to be lowered.' I feel so much less generous right now. If I have to adopt twenty poor families, I want a thank-you note and an update on their lives. At least Sally Struthers gives you an update." Hey dickless, what part of "taxpayer bailout" are you having trouble understanding? We're carrying your sorry ass.

"What's remarkable is the fact that after all the damage they've done, these execs still believe that they were entitled to everything they got, including a multi-trillion-dollar bailout from the very people they screwed," writes MoJo's James Ridgeway.

It looks like the stereotype is accurate -- Wall Street executives really are royal douchebags. (MoJo Blog)


-If FOX News had existed throughout history-
Fair and balanced...



Plenty more at the site. (Punxter.com, via reddit)