Why milkmen have more sex than athletes: Scientists find alpha males have a better chance of getting screwed than of having sex

Oh, but I do love scientists!

Now, I know that I have said that more than once already. In fact, I’ve stated this so often that it’s almost become a mantra - or like the oft-repeated vow to be faithful by a serial adulterer.

Or, of course an adulteress…:

“While on the subject of sex, Brooks also explains that scientists remain mystified by the process of courtship. It’s a myth that females choose the biggest and flashiest males - hence the peacock’s tail, the stag’s antlers. In reality, naturalists have often observed a couple of alpha stags bashing away at each other during the rut, while the females, getting bored, slope off to mate with some less well-endowed and less aggressive beta male. The evolutionary biologist John Maynard Smith named these beta males (and this is official) sneaky f*****s.”

Brilliant story, don’t you think - and the rest of the article, dealing with unsolved scientific mysteries, is well worth reading too.

Still, this anecdote, or observation, about the mating practices of certain animals had me smile like a demon who’s just caught the Pope masturbating over a leatherwear catalogue.

It’s kind of fun to imagine how the girlfriends or wives of football stars, or Olympic swimmers, or heavyweight boxers would sneak out to do it with some nerdy neighbour, while these proud alpha males are busy training - or even better yet…

… yes, I can see those women and their neighbours making out on the couch, while these athletes are winning even more medals at tournaments that are broadcasted live on TV. It sure would add a certain something if those lovers would have the TV on while they were sporting on their sofas - with the sound turned off, I suppose. It would probably be a bit too kinky if the athletes’ grunts were to mingle with those of the illicit lovers.

Anyway, there are, of course, various types of alpha males. Just as some animals have fans, or antlers, or sabre-teeth, there are also all sorts of different ways for human males to excel and lord it over their leser rivals. So, yes, you can have alpha male athletes but also alpha male writers, singers, soldiers - and scientists, I suppose.

Or actors even.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I have a phone call to make. It seems that Brad Pitt is shooting a new movie - and it would be no more than neighbourly to give Angelina a ring, to ask if she could do with some company.

I’m sure she has a couch…