News Roundup for 1/9/09

Run Blago, run!

-Headline of the day-
"Illinois House impeaches Blagojevich."

Democratic Governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich has finally been impeached. Don't get too excited though -- a lot of people think "impeached" means fired. It doesn't, it means "formally accused." Now he'll have to go through an Illinois Senate trial to determine whether or not he should be fired and then, let's be honest here, he's going to be fired.

Upon learning of his impeachment, Gov. Rod went jogging. He laced up his Nikes, put on that six-million-dollar-man tracksuit of his, and took off running.

Am I the only one who worries he's not actually coming back? (Raw Story, with video)


-It's a slow death-
A suit by Michael Newdow to remove the phrase "so help me God" from the president's oath of office has the religious predictably freaked out.

The leader of the right wing nutjob group Vision America warns that if Newdow succeeds, we're all going to freakin' die. Guaranteed. "The day we get to the insanity of banning God and prayer from inauguration is the day we finally commit suicide which we seem to be bent on doing," says VA's Rick Scarborough.

You know what this means? We're already screwed. The oath of office mentioned in the Constitution reads, "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." There's no God in there. "So help me God" is just some stuff tacked on to it to make it seem more ceremonial. In fact, the historical evidence we have shows that it may be a fairly new development.

"The first eyewitness documentation of a president saying 'So help me God' is an account of Chester Arthur's Sept. 22, 1881, inauguration in the New York Times," says Beth Hahn, historical editor for the U.S. Senate Historical Office. So, the United States probably doomed itself a long time ago when Washington or Jefferson or Madison or one of those other godless heathens took the oath.

The only good news is that this suicide is taking a really, really long time. You can't rush the Almighty, I guess. (Right Wing Watch)


-FOX slings bullshit-
Now there's a surprise, huh? On the morning show, Fox and Friends -- say it with me, a show that's such bullshit that you wish there were a stronger word for bullshit -- host Steve Doocy asked a group of "political analysts" if Democrats stole Minnesota from Norm Coleman. "Is there some funny business going on in Minnesota?" the haircut asked.

Republican commentator Andrea Tantaros had an unsurprising answer -- boy-howdy-you-betcha. That there Al Franken guy isn't really the Senator.

"Democrats are stealing this election..." she said. "There are more ballots in some counties than there are actual voters."

The problem? That's not so much true. What's been reported is that the vote total today is higher than the vote total on election night, not that there were more votes than voters. See, when you do a recount and the original total turns out to be wrong then, well, the original vote total turns out to be wrong. In other words, you get a different number. That's why you do recounts. It's this weird thing called "math." Republicans hate math, because it has so much in common with science. It's all that logic and inarguable truth -- what a headache.

Geez, if Republicans have to concede to actual facts, they might as well pack it up and go home. Reality has a shameful liberal bias. Better to just make shit up and intentionally misunderstand reporting.

That's the Republican way. (Raw Story, with video)