News Roundup for 1/28/09

This bridge isn't bad, it's just misunderstood

-Headline of the day-
"Engineers Give U.S. Infrastructure a 'D' Grade, $2.2 Trillion Price Tag."

That's right, all of our ports and bridges and transmission wires and railroads are dumb. They need a tutor to get those grades up and that tutor's going to cost $2.2 trillion. It's OK if you want to say, "Yikes!" at that number.

The American Society of Civil Engineers gives our infrastructure a D average, with the highest grade being a C+ for solid waste management, thanks in large part to widespread recycling efforts.

"The nation's infrastructure faces some very real problems, problems that pose an equally real threat to our way of life if they are not addressed appropriately," said engineer Andrew Herrmann, who chairs the Report Card for America's Infrastructure Advisory Council. "However, while it may not happen overnight, these problems are solvable if we have the right kind of vision and leadership"

Pffft! As if...

Oh wait, I forgot Bush isn't president anymore. (ENS)


-Drudge is a dumbass-
Today at the Drudge Report, a front page headline ran -- in big caps -- warning us that there's "$335,000,000 FOR STD PREVENTION IN ECONOMIC STIMULUS BILL."

Holy crap! What a waste of money that is...

"Democrats may have eliminated provisions on birth control and sod for the National Mall in the 'job stimulus' -- but buried on page 147 of the bill is stimulation for prevention of sexually transmitted diseases!" Drudge tells us. "The House Democrats’ bill includes $335 million for sexually transmitted disease education and prevention programs at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned."

Of course, the lack of STD education explains Matt Drudge's infestation of testicular centipedes. Never heard of testicular centipedes?

Well, there's your problem right there. Try getting a job when you're infested with testicular centipedes.

That's why Drudge is self-employed. Remember ladies, Matt Drudge has testicular centipedes. Think of this as a public service announcement. (Think Progress)


-A hero for our time-
More from TP. Freshmen Democratic Representative Alan Grayson of Florida on Rush Limbaugh:

Rush Limbaugh is a has-been hypocrite loser, who craves attention. His right-wing lunacy sounds like Mikhail Gorbachev, extolling the virtues of communism. Limbaugh actually was more lucid when he was a drug addict. If America ever did 1% of what he wanted us to do, then we’d all need pain killers.

This is the part of the movie where we all yell, "YAY!" and throw our hats in the air. Who says the truth hurts? (Think Progress)


-Bonus HotD-
"Reluctant Republicans 'swoon' over Obama after stimulus pitch."

Not enough to vote for it, though. Still, GOP members described Obama as "dreamy" and "a hottie." As Rep. Pete Hoekstra left the meeting room, "Mr. Peter Obama" was clearly seen written over and over on the back of his notebook. (Raw Story)