The naming of cows is a serious matter

It is often suggested that familiarity breeds contempt. What is lesser known is that it also produces more milk:

“Cows with names produce more milk than those animals who are not named, scientists have found. Ermintrude, Daisy and La vache qui rit may produce as much as 454 pints more each year than cows with no names. The average amount of milk produced by a cow over its annual 10 month lactation period is 13,198 pints (7,500 litres). Those cows with names had an average higher milk yield of 454 pints (258 litres).”

Of course, it’s not always easy to come up with the correct name. The poet T.S. Eliot once wrote that ‘the naming of cats is a serious matter.’

Paris Hilton would have agreed with this - if she knew Eliot (or could read.) God knows poor Paris is severely challenged in the brains department, so she can’t be expected to see the difference between a cow and a cat and call them by their proper names at the same time.

As becomes quite obvious if you read the following story:

Paris Hilton, in London to launch her new television show, has said she thought Gordon Ramsay was the Prime Minister of Great Britain. The hotel heiress revealed that, although she said her time in the country taught her slang terms such as “minger” and “fit”, she failed to answer correctly when asked to name the British Prime Minister, claiming she thought it was Gordon Ramsay.

To be fair to Paris, it was a relatively easy mistake to make. One Gordon is a famous chef who likes to say the word ‘fuck’ a lot, whenever he is on TV, while the other Gordon solely appears on TV to explain one of his own past, present and future fuck ups.

Still, it would be mildly interesting to see what would happen if you called a cow ‘Paris’ or ‘Hilton’.

Would such a cow also go on to produce more milk or would she simply end up producing sex tapes and dubious TV shows?