News Roundup for 12/29/08

How quickly they forget...

-Headline of the day-
"Sen. Craig restroom tanking as tourist destination."

Patrick Hogan, director of public affairs for the Metropolitan Airports Commission in Minneapolis-St. Paul says the airport there once had an offer to buy the stall where not-gay Sen. Larry Craig tried to have wild, not-gay, closeted, public restroom man sex in 2007 for $5,000. They turned down the offer, since the Commission doesn't "sell fixtures for novelty purposes."

They're probably never going to get an offer like that again, since the novelty's wearing off. "I think we'll all be glad when there's no special interest in that restroom," Hogan says. The way things are going, it may soon be safe to have wild, not-gay, closeted, public restroom man sex in there again. Closeted Republicans everywhere rejoice. (Associated Press)


-Bad news for Sarah Palin-
Russian professor Igor Panarin predicts that the United States will collapse in 2010. In what is basically a bullshit campaign on the behalf of Vladimir Putin, Panarin predicts that economic troubles will tear the US apart, with wealthier states like California and New York withholding tax dollars that would be spent in other states. This results in civil war and the end of the republic.

Panarin foresees the US being separated into six chunks; Atlantic America which would probably join the EU, The Texas Republic that'd go to Mexico, the Central North-American Republic that'd go to Canada, the California Republic that'd go to China, Hawaii which would either go to China or Japan, and Alaska -- which would go back to Russia. No word on what happens to places like Puerto Rico and American Samoa -- I guess Russia doesn't know about those.

Sarah Palin wouldn't just be able to see Russia from her house, she'd be able to see it from her bathtub -- since she'd be in Russia, boy-howdy-you-betcha. My advice, learn Russian better than you've mastered English, Comrade Palin. And work up a liking for beets, sour cream, and vodka -- those ingredients are in everything. (Gawker)


-Bonus HotD-
"Cheney: ‘I Don’t Have Any Idea’ Why People Don’t Like Me."

Asked about his low approval ratings in an interview with his home state paper, the Caspar Star-Tribune, Dick claimed that they were a big freakin' mystery, "I don’t have any idea. I don’t follow the polls," he said.

I think I can help out here. It's because you suck and you're a prick. People don't like that.

Mystery solved. (Think Progress)