News Roundup for 3/20/12

Newt Gingrich

-Headline of the Day-
"Gingrich says actor Robert De Niro’s racially themed first lady joke 'inexcusable.'"

At a New York fundraiser, famed juggler and Marilyn Monroe impersonator Robert De Niro made the introduction for First Lady Michelle Obama. It was a terrible, shocking crime unparalleled in human history. In his introduction, De Niro said, "Callista Gingrich. Karen Santorum. Ann Romney. Now, do you really think our country is ready for a white first lady?" Everyone laughed, because it's all backwards and absurd and what you call your "comedy."

I know! It's awful right?

Anyway, Newt Gingrich caught wind of this and began firing off victim cards. "What DeNiro said last night was inexcusable, and the president should apologize for him," Noodles said. "It was at an Obama fundraiser, it is exactly wrong, it divides the country. If people on the left want to talk about talk show hosts, then everybody in the country should hold the president accountable when someone at his event says something that is as utterly and terribly unacceptable as what Robert De Niro said."

Because, of course, comments like this are what led to the horrors of institutional white slavery, the WASP holocaust, and... I don't know, the Hindenburg or something. White people have it bad enough without everyone going around pointing out the shameful fact that they're white. Call his wife white will you? Why, prepare to defend yourself, sir!

And this is just like what happened with Sandra Fluke and Limbaugh, as Noodles points out. After all, Rush went on a three day rant about how Fluke was a "slut" and a "prostitute," with guys lined up around the block and all the commies were all up in arms. Now De Niro spends two seconds to call his wife white and not a peep. The hypocrisy!

Know ye, Mr. Big Hollywood liberal, that the Righteous Wrath of Noodles is upon thee! Woe be unto thee as ye are smothered beneath a stack of victim cards! And it be unending, with attacks like unto the number of stars in the sky. No, there will be no surcease, ye will find no respite, until that very day that ye croak out thine final utterance: "Forgiveth me, Noodles!"

Or until Newt figures out that this is all unbelievably lame and he's getting zero traction from it. Then this will be the last anyone ever hears of it. (The Hill, with Gingrich rage-gnome video)

-Wall Street business culture-

"Ethics? What's that?" (Truthdig)

-Bonus HotD-
"Fat Chicago Cop Chokes Kid Out to Rousing Applause of 'Fox Nation.'"

The conservative base explained: they're all pretty much just assholes. (Wonkette)

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