News Roundup for 7/14/11

Rube Goldberg machine
Infographic of the Reid-McConnell debt limit plan

-Headline of the day-
"Harry Reid And Mitch McConnell: 'Hybrid' Solution To Debt Standoff."

You know how I'm always saying that if you meet someone who's crazy halfway, the results are halfway crazy? Turns out that Harry Reid has decided to meet Mitch McConnell halfway and the results are predictable. The two have knocked together a plan to raise the debt ceiling and... Well, check it out for yourself.

According to the report, "The plan, which is being hatched by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), would ensure that over $1.5 trillion in cuts over ten years be passed into law. It would also grant President Obama the authority to extend the debt ceiling through the 2012 election season while requiring him to propose -- but allowing him to ultimately veto -- cuts beyond those initial $1.5 trillion."

OK, do what now? Each day, this thing gets more needlessly complicated. Did I mention the new panel? Yeah, "the deal would create a new 'deficit commission' comprised solely of lawmakers who would be tasked with finding additional savings in the budget. The commission's recommendations would be given automatic, amendment-free votes in both chambers of Congress." Because the Democrat-controlled Senate and the Republican-controlled House are in agreement so often, I guess. This will all pass sure as shootin', right?

Here's what you do; you sit Mitch and Boehner down in a room -- Cantor you lock in a steamer trunk -- and tell them that polling shows that the public is inclined to blame the GOP if the country goes into default. You tell them that you'll officially change the name of the Oval Office to the "Everything's Republican's Fault Room" and work 24/7 to see that the public's inclination doesn't change. White House press conferences will feature a pullstring toy and every time a reporter pulls the string, it'll say, "Everything's Republicans' fault!" Special editions of Jeopardy will be commissioned, where every answer is "What is something that's the Republicans' fault?" And Air Force One will fly back and forth of the nation, fitted with a mile-long banner reading... Well, you get the idea.

That ought to do the trick. (Huffington Post)

-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, Uncle Mark has a special cartoon he calls "Mourning in America." Yay!

Um, wait... Is that spelled right?

Mourning in America
Click for animation

Yeah. I guess that's spelled right. (MarkFiore.com)

-Bonus HotD-
"Minnesota Governor Offers To End Shutdown, Reestablish Beer Supply."

Pray he succeeds or Minnesotan society will surely collapse. (Wonkette)

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