News Roundup for 1/6/11

Dear God, run! RUN!!

-Headline of the Day-
"Florida Professor Arrested for Having a 'Suspicious' Bagel on a Plane."

The latest news from the Global War on Terror shows that terror is winning -- mindless, stupid, animal terror.

Apparently, Ognjen Milatovic, a mathematics and statistics professor at the University of North Florida, was on a flight from Boston to DC when alert passengers noticed "strange noises" coming from a plastic bag he'd brought as carry on -- a bag later found to contain a bagel, cream cheese, keys, and a hat. When the professor was confronted about his obvious terrorist activities, he reportedly made a call with his cell phone. At this point, he was arrested for disorderly conduct. He was also charged with interfering with the operation of an aircraft.

According to the report, "Monday's incident is another example of other passengers essentially becoming the authority on terrorist activity on planes."

"Recently, passenger complaints have resulted authorities taking action against innocent passengers who went to the bathroom too often on a flight and who were just being annoying," we're told.

Here's my strategy for winning the global War on Terror: just stop being terrified -- of everything -- and stop being such wusses.

The end. (NBC Miami)


-Cartoon time with Mark Fiore-
Hey kids, Little Suzie Newsykins is back and she's here to tell us about her New Year's Resolution! Yay!


Click for animation

Frankly boys and girls, I'm liking that kid less all the time... (MarkFiore.com)


-Bonus HotD-
"Birther Interrupts House Reading Of Constitution, Yells 'Help Us Jesus'."

Said lunatic was dragged out and arrested. Jesus could not be reached for comment. (Talking Points Memo, with video)