News Roundup for 7/9/10

Noted Orange-American civil rights leader

-Headline of the day-
"'Tan tax' discussions include allegations of reverse racism."

As part of the healthcare reform law, white people will now be oppressed by a "10 percent surcharge on the use of ultraviolet tanning beds." This is, of course, an outrage to humanity on par with the genocide in Darfur.

"I understand that the money [for the health-care overhaul] needs to come from somewhere," says DC resident and lifelong tanning enthusiast Dane Ellington. "But this doesn't seem like the appropriate place. It's just silly." Yes, it's just silly to put a tax on a coffin-like device that's practically designed to give you skin cancer -- then take that tax money and apply it to healthcare costs like, say, the big bill you might get for treatment of skin cancer.

Others bemoaned the choices made by voters.

"McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning," says reality TV star "Snooki," "because he's pale, and he would probably want to be tan." Snooki is from a TV show called Jersey Shore, which I guess is about mentally deficient people of loose morals in a competition to see who can use the most bronzer and hair mousse. That's my take on it anyway, I've never seen it. I'd look it up on Wikipedia, but I'm comfortable with my ignorance on this one. But I swear to God the Washington Post gives a damn what Snooki thinks. They really do. Go check.

And yes, John McCain is really pale. But he's from freakin' Arizona, so I kind of think he'd do something about that if he were so inclined and not a survivor of skin cancer!

But look at me. I'm letting little things like facts and rationality get in the way of a good ol' fashioned white panic freak out. Where are my manners? (Washington Post)


-Some people never learn-
After having to hide from the press after rushing to BP's defense, Kentucky senatorial candidate Rand Paul decided the time was ripe to rush to BP's defense.

At a joint appearance with his Democratic rival Jack Conway, Paul took a couple of hits for defending BP from Barack Obama's "un-American" criticism. Well, Randy wasn't having any of that, believe you me. "I don't want them to go out of business when they can't pay for the mess, and that's what that kind of rhetoric could do," he said. "I want BP to be in business so it can afford to pay for the mess."

See, if the president says something bad about an international corporation, they have to go out of business. It's like a rule or something. I don't know how it works. No one else can figure it out either. According to the report, BP "has spent $3.12 billion so far in response to the spill, including attempting to contain oil, paying claims and reimbursing the U.S. and local governments. By comparison, BP posted $17 billion in profit from its vast operations around the globe last year." For the record, BP has been in business for more than just last year, so they should have plenty more banked. At $17 billion in profit annually, BP can afford both the bad press and the cleanup.

The weeks of bad press and cleanup Paul's campaign is now in for is another matter entirely. (AP)


-Bonus HotD-
"Town Hall Turns Ugly For Hatch, Conservatives Yell That He's Shilling For Bankers."

Those darn teabaggers. It's real bitch when the monster turns on Doctor Frankenstein, ain't it Orrin? (Think Progress, with video)