News Roundup for 7/13/10

COMMIES!!

-Headline of the day-
"Giving is great, but lemonade stand should teach entrepreneurship."

Hey, remember Terry Savage? She (I thought it was a guy when I first wrote about her) was that asshole who yelled at little girls for giving away lemonade.

Turns out, this wasn't the most popular column ever, so she wrote another one in answer to her critics. There's no reason you should read it, it's just the same damned column in different words. To recap, little girls giving away lemonade will destroy America and, if you disagree, you're a commie. (Chicago Sun-Times)


-Take this show on the road-
Remember that one novel The Grapes of Wrath? It was a book about how this family, the Joads, packed up all their belongings and set out on a wacky adventure across country as they chased their dreams of a better life. Real heartwarming, positive stuff -- like The Waltons, except everyone's packed in a truck and Grampa and Granma die.

At least, that's the way they seem to remember Steinbeck's novel over at the Heritage Foundation, where they think the best thing Americans can do is hop in their gypsy wagons and chase jobs around the country as migrant workers. See, this is good, because unemployment benefits are bad. And unemployment benefits are bad, because you're a lazy, worthless POS who won't do what it takes to get a job. If you keep getting the sweet UI bennies, you'll just sit on your couch drinking bathtub gin and watching reruns of Space: 1999 or whatever it is you poor people do.

This was the gist of the argument offered by Heritage's James Sherk on Chris Matthews' Hardball teevee show:

You got that Lazybones? Pack up your family and move to Nebraska, because that's the Land of Milk and Honey now. That job you lost isn't coming back, so you're going to have to settle for a crap job -- because that's so much better for the economy. And, when those jobs are gone, everyone piles into the old Ford and off you go to your next great adventure. Yay! Welcome to your new career as a drifter!

Of course Tweety (that's what Crooks and Liars calls Matthews, because he's got a bulbous yellow head, I think) asks Jimmy if he knows any people out of work and Jimmy says yeah, but they're real people looking for real jobs, so they can't go on the hobo tour with the rest of the hoi polloi. Such things just aren't done among men of his station. It would be unseemly.

And then Tweety laughs while he bashes Jimmy the Shark with the hypocrite stick for a while, which is always fun. Enjoy the video, you worthless slobs. And don't forget to toast Jimmy when you crack open your 40 of Old Milwaukee. (Crooks and Liars)


-Bonus HotD-
"Cantor Says Federal Spending Doesn't 'Create Jobs' -- At Job Fair With Companies Funded By The Stimulus."

Of course he does... (Think Progress)